What makes a good wife?

For centuries the definition of a good wife continues to transform. In biblical and in modern times the evolution of the role of a women has a defining impact on this definition. In order to establish what makes a good wife we must evaluate the primary role before the evolution of the wife.

We find the first mention of a good wife in Genesis 2:18. According to the Holy bible, Eve was the first woman created for the man – Adam.

And the LORD God said: ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him (Genesis 2:18).

It meant that Adam was elevated to the team leader and Eve was elevated to be his primary team player.

What are the characteristics of a team player that would make a good wife?

Before we provide the definition of a team player we must entertain the thought of a team. A team is a group organized to work together for a common goal or project. A team player is a person who does his/her best to do his part in cooperation with the other members of the team. A team player does not seek to be a one-person show, but works together with his/her teammates and relies on their skills and abilities as he/she seeks to use his/her abilities and gifts in a cooperative way.

Other team player characteristics include:

  1. Humility – Godly humility is a wife who is comfortable with who she is and will therefore put her husband first. A wife cannot exhibit humility without exhibiting submissiveness.
  2. Submission – A wife’s submission to her husband is in response to her love and devotion to the Lord first. She submits to the Lord out of a humble and grateful heart, not because she is a slave, but a servant. Likewise, biblical submission in marriage is servanthood, not enslavement. A godly wife is motivated to submit to her husband, not out of fear, self-interest, or self-protection, but out of love ( 1 Peter 3:6 ).
  3. Prayerfulness – Results from a deep concern for God and the beliefs associated with Christianity.
  4. Dependability – Involves constant reliability and trustworthiness. Trustworthiness includes: (a) A spiritual commitment to God’s way of life, successfully resisting human nature and temptation. (b) Taking financial responsibility to live within one’s means, avoiding unnecessary debt, managing necessary debt and working together to decide the family’s financial issues. (c) A personal commitment to what is best for his or her spouse. (Your spouse makes you feel safe and secure. He or she accomplishes this through countless gestures, large and small, conveying respect, kindness and gentleness. This will help the husband to continue in his commitments and build trust between him and his wife.
  5. Holiness – A separation from the world and a consecration to God with a focus on ethical and moral values found in the Holy Scriptures. Jesus Christ is our perfect example of holiness. As God He is the Word of God but as a man He relied on the Word of God in every situation. His reliance on the Word of God made Him to have the mind of God. Through His reliance on the Word of God He loved what God loved and hated what God hated. Jesus lived a holy life according to the will of God because He valued and nurtured a relationship with God through His life of prayer. Jesus Christ was so intimate with God that He depended on His Spirit to lead and guide Him. He did not do anything apart from the Holy Spirit that was given to Him “without measure” (John 3:34). Holiness, as the word implies, is the work of the Holy Spirit. It means to be like minded with God and set apart for His service.
  6. Integrity – Biblical integrity is not just doing the right thing; it includes having the right heart and allowing the person you are on the inside to match the person you are on the outside. It also requires an individual to be consistent with their integrity behaviors.

Following these characteristics are that the a good wife works with her husband for a common goal. She will do her best to cooperate with her husband with the skills that God has given her. She will not seek to circumvent her husbands calling and decide to do her own thing rather than working in a cooperative way with her husband.

Herein lies the problem for most marriages. Many wives have not had an opportunity to benefit from the development involved in teamwork. Young male youth’s are indoctrinated into the teamwork concept through participation in sports. And only recently have young females had the opportunities to become groomed into the team building process. It still remains that their participation in sports is limited. Husbands must take an active role in developing their wives to become better team players.

The husband must begin with determining his God given purpose. If at all possible, the perspective husband should make this determination before selecting a wife. The husband can determine his God given purpose by evaluating his Spiritual Gift(s) and making a connection to his past experiences for the direction of his calling. After the husband has determined his God given purpose, it is a mistake to attempt to force this vision upon their wife. The husband must insist that the wife use the same process to determine her God ordained purpose. After this, make comparisons of the two separate visions and develop steps for including the wife in your God ordained vision. The road will become tough at times, but through faith, God will deliver the both of you into the purpose that He has ordained for your marriage.

Related Articles

Everything you need to know about being a good wife

10 Characteristics Of Wife Material

Top 7 Bible Verses About Being A Good Wife

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

 – Husband Leadership Principles

               

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 

 

 

 

How to respond to bad husband marriage advice?

Bad marriage advice has ruined many relationships between a man and woman. Men seek advice to ensure continued happiness in their life and marriage. The problem is that much of the bad marriage advice is associated with individual experiences rather than fundamental principles.

We find bad marriage advice in the article Advice from Dr. Marriage. In this article, a husband complains that “My wife and I get along great and yet she always seems slightly annoyed with me. What’s up with that? Am I doing something wrong?”

Dr. Marriage respond by stating, “first off, of COURSE you’re doing something wrong. You’re a guy. Married to a woman. And women are – and Dr. Marriage is not even kidding when he says this – superior in every way to men. Therefore, by definition, everything you are doing is wrong. I’m surprised you don’t know that by now.”

Dr. Marriage confirms his bad marriage advice by reflecting on a past conversation that he had with his wife. “Dr. Marriage remembers the moment all too clearly. He was lying in bed next to [his wife] when she said, I can’t believe you did that. To which Dr. Marriage – who was puzzled since he didn’t remember doing anything especially dumb that day – replied Did what? To which she replied, when you tried to use that rusty X-Acto blade to get that sliver out of Henry’s foot. Henry is [their] son. That wasn’t rust, it was dirt. It was rust [she said]. He could have gotten tetanus. Oh, c’mon, he’d have been fine [he said]. He’s a boy. Besides, it was eight years ago. Doesn’t the statute of limitations ever run out with you?”

The first problem with Dr. Marriage’s bad marriage advice is the perspective of his wife. For her to bring up an incident that happened eight years ago means that his wife harbors anger. There have been studies showing anger in the brain disrupts the growth of new neurons, essential to sending messages and communicating with the rest of the body.

Some known health problems associated with anger include:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Sleeplessness
  • High Blood Pressure
  • Risk of Coronary Disease
  • Skin problems like increased acne
  • Headaches or Migraines
  • Digestive irregularities

Ephesians 4:26 teaches us that we will become angry. However, as a response to the marriage advice we are not to disobey God by sinning and we are to let the anger go before it has a dramatic impact on our health.

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: (Ephesians 4:26)

Dr. Marriage provides additional bad marriage advice. He contemplates that he has “apologized for his stupidity.” According to this bad marriage advice, “it has saved a lot of squabbling. So much so, that lately Dr. Marriage has been experimenting with a similar, pre-emptive version of this philosophy. What he does, every morning before getting out of bed, is roll over to [his wife] and whisper I’m sorry for every dumb thing I’m about to do or say today. Usually [his wife] just elbows him in the sternum. But he thinks it’s eventually going to work. Or not.”

His bad marriage advice is to get up in the morning and lie to his wife. Lying can only lead to distrust and eventually destroy the marriage. Distrust can spread through a marriage like a wildfire. What starts as a small ember of doubt can mushroom into a full blaze of distrust. The best way to prevent distrust from taking root is to proactively focus on building trust through teambuilding. Husbands can focus on cooperation and interdependence in the marriage. In addition, instead of following this bad marriage advice, a husband should have discussions related to enhancing right and moral behaviors in a marriage.

Related Articles

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Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s advice for success in marriage, the Supreme Court, and everything in between

I’m a Marriage Therapist and Here’s 4 Things I Wish I Knew In My 20s

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

 All Three     Advanced     Husband Leadership Book     high-res-png

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

 

How can couples avoid the 7 year itch?

Couples continue to face many challenges which could include the 7 year itch. Marriage involves a man and woman loving each other and embracing a lifelong commitment for their entire lives. Couples can eliminate the effect of the 7 year itch by developing marital processes that ensure they remain focused on their love for God and each other. 

According to the article, How to combat the proven 7-year-itch Relationship Roadblock, it is believed that the 7 year itch is causing many marriages to have challenges. “Widely studied by psychologists and love experts, the notion that marriages hit a rough spot around year seven has been supported and disputed. Some say the time when a marriage is more likely to fail is more like three or four years in. Others, such as a recent OnePoll study commissioned by Pure Romance and shared with Verily, in which a thousand Americans who had be married an average of twenty years and at lest five years old, found that year seven was the worst.” 

The article emphasizes that couples protect their marriage from the 7 year itch by:

1.  Enhancing Communication

2.  Minimizing the impact of fighting 

3.  Learn to talk about the hard subjects

4.  Seek counseling

The suggestions offered to avoid the seven year itch do not respond to the root causes that will contribute to the 7-year itch.

Enhancing communication to avoid the 7-year-itch requires several strategies. The first mistake is that before couples stop communicating, they stop touching each other. As a matter of fact, when couples become angry with each other the first thing that happens is that they stop touching. The husband and wife must make a concerted effort to ensue that when and if they become angry with each other that they will continue to touch each other physically. One way to accomplish this task is to utilized The Luveuphoria Formula and husbands can use the 10 Luveuphoria Challenge.

Ephesians 4:26 – 27 instructs individuals not to allow the sun go down on their anger. This is a primary mistake for many people which includes couples who desire to avoid the 7 year itch.

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil (Ephesians 4:26,27).

One way to avoid this challenge is to utilize a conflict reflection tool. Couples can use the conflict reflection tool as follows:

  1. After the couple has had their disagreement, they need to retreat to a quiet space.
  2. Take a blank piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of the paper.
  3. On the right side, write down what was said by each person during the disagreement.
  4. Then on the left side, write down what you were thinking when each statement was made.
  5. Next, you want to circle the turning point of the argument. This is the point where you had an opportunity to ensure that the conversation remained positive. This is called the inflection point.
  6. Once you have determined the inflection point of the argument develop a strategy to ensure that the next disagreement regarding this challenge does not become an argument.

Another process that couples can use to avoid the 7 year itch instead of just talking about hard subjects is to develop a shared vision and a strategic plan for their family. A shared vision is a mental vision of the marriage that the couple will agree on. It will provide the energy and focus needed for the husband and wife to begin the learning process for the development of their strategic plan.

Developing a strategic will provide couples an opportunity to discuss their goals and have discussions with the travesties associated with a dysfunctional organization such as a marriage that is enraged by the 7 year itch.

Related Articles

Has your marriage hit the seven-year itch? Here’s how to survive it

Bored of your beloved? Blame it on the seven-year itch phenomenon

Seven-year itch really DOES make a divorce more likely: Professor says the statistics back up the superstition 

 

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

 All Three     Advanced     Husband Leadership Book     luveuphoria-app-for-facebook-png

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 Derrick and Sheila

 

How can wives save their marriage?

A recent article provides a wife advice that could devastate their marriage and lead to a divorce. Divorce should not be an option when infidelity is not involved. Wives  can save their marriage by taking their rightful place as outlined in the original design of marriage.

According to the article, Advice for the Modern Man: Can I Still Save My Marriage, the wife has several complaints regarding her marriage. This wife complains that she initialized several efforts to save her marriage. She has had several conversations with her husband in which he agrees to help save their marriage. She has even attempted to withdraw from the wedding, but her then fiancé told her that things would get better. She also stated that her husband is neither physically nor emotionally abusive.

The article author believes that the husband is negligent and the wife should use her existence in the marriage as a tool to enhance her husband’s behavior. “The time for generalities and hollow threats is over. It’s about action now. And if, for whatever reason, he still won’t get off the sectional, you have to be willing to walk away”, says the author.

The advice provided by this author is treacherous on several fronts. First, since the husband has not committed any acts associated with infidelity, she has no grounds to leave her husband. The Holy Scriptures are very clear in the area of infidelity (Matthew 5:32 &1 Corinthians 7:10 – 7:11)

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery (Matthew 5:32).

And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife  (1 Corinthians 7:10 – 7:11).

Secondly, the author should address the husband’s behavior for embracing the sectional. The husband either does not work and the sectional has become a place of comfort. Or he works very hard and uses the sectional as a device of refuge. In either case, this husband has missed the purpose of his marriage which is outlined in the original design of marriage.

Instead on complaining and exhibiting self-centered behaviors, the wife needs to exhibit behaviors associated with her role in the original design of marriage. The wife can find her original role in Genesis 2:18. In this verse, she is to help the husband with his God ordained purpose. But according to the article, she wants to be the center of the marriage. She not only wants to place herself above the needs of her husband, but she wants to place herself above God.

There are several women in the bible who decided to put themselves above their husband which resulted in devastation for the wife. One example is Queen Vashti.

In the Book of Esther, Queen Vashti is the wife of King Ahasuerus. While her husband was holding a banquet for his princes, nobles and servants, Vashti was holding a separate banquet for the women. On the seventh day of the banquet, the king ordered his seven chamberlains to summon Vashti to come before him and his guests wearing only her royal crown, in order to display her beauty. Queen Vashti refused to come, and the king became angry. He asked his advisers how the queen should be punished for her disobedience. His adviser Memucan told him that Vashti has wronged not only the king, but also all of the husbands of Persia, whose wives may be encouraged by Vashti’s act of disobedience. Memucan encouraged King Ahasuerus to dismiss Queen Vashti and find another queen. King Ahasuerus took Memucan’s advice, and sent letters to all of the provinces that men should dominate in their households. Ahasuerus subsequently chooses Esther as his queen to replaced former Queen Vashti.

Instead of taking advice that can result in a divorce, wives can take their rightful place in their marriage by becoming the intimate team player. This is their position according to the original design of marriage. In this way, they will work together as a team and therefore avoid the atrocities associated with divorce by positioning their marriage to prosper.

Related Articles

Kicked in the nuptials: Advice for an Alaska marriage

I Don’t Want To Be The Breadwinner In My Marriage Anymore!

Ask Amy: Marriage on the rocks needs quick help

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

 All Three     Advanced     Husband Leadership Book     high-res-png     luveuphoria-app-for-facebook-png

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 Derrick and Sheila

 

How can a wife save a potential ex-husband?

In a recent article, a former wife reflects on the actions of her past marriage that could have saved her ex-husband. Many marriages fail due to the emphasis on superficial values. Marriages must focus on the original design of marriage (Ordermige) to avoid the ex-husband syndrome. 

According to the article, 5 Things My ex-Husband Could have done To Save Our Marriage, the author proposes five recommendations for eliminating the necessity of an ex-husband. She surmises that avoiding the ex-husband syndrome will require:

1. Make her feel special

2. Help out

3. Make the marriage a priority

4. Grow with her

5. Break up with the porn habit

The first challenge that this former wife has that resulted in a divorce is that the marriage was to be centered on her. According to the original design of marriage, the marriage is centered on the relationships that the man and wife have with God. The man has to have a relationship with God. If he has the appropriate relationships, he will understand from Genesis 3:16 that he is to be a servant and a good steward.

How does a potential ex-husband become a servant?

In order for a potential ex-husband to be a servant he must know the area that God has called him to serve. This can be challenging for most men. This begins with the husband determining his Spiritual Gifts. Spiritual Gifts are outlined as follows:

Romans 12

Encouragement

Giving

Leadership

Mercy

Prophecy

Service

Teaching

 

I Corinthians 12

The Word of Knowledge

The Word of Wisdom

The Gift of Prophecy

The Gift of Faith

The Gifts of Healings

The Working of Miracles

The Discerning of Spirits

Different Kinds of Tongues

The Interpretation of Tongues

Ephesians 4

Apostle

Prophet

Evangelist

Pastor

Teacher

 

I Peter 4

Serving

Teaching

 

Once a man has determined his Spiritual Gifts, he must then determine the vision that God has placed in his heart. This vision will help the wife to determine how she can help her husband.

The next stage is for the man to follow God’s directions. God has left husbands specific instructions in regards to their wife. The Scriptures instruct “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5: 25). The word in this verse for love means agape. Agape means to love in a social or moral sense. To love from a social sense means to form cooperative and interdependent relationship with others. For the husband and wife, it means to form a cooperative and interdependent relationship with each other. To work cooperatively means to work or act together for a common purpose or benefit. The husband and wife are to work together for a common purpose or benefit. An interdependent relationship between a husband and wife is a close personal relationship, where one or both provides some type of support and care of the other.

To love from a moral sense means to conform to standards of what is right or just behavior. Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 5:27-28 provide guidance for moral behaviors.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart (Matthew 5:27-28).

One thing that begins to happen in a marriage is that as time moves forward in the marriage, men will stop touching their wives as they once did. The Luveuphoria formula will help husbands with providing the necessary affection towards their wife.

Finally, the husband is to become the team leader. This is where most wives have the biggest challenge. The world does not teach a woman to be a follower. In actuality, the world teaches the wife to be dominant which can result in a potential ex-husband.

Related Articles

Deputies: Florida woman tried to hire hit man to kill ex-husband

Help! I’m Falling For My Ex-Husband

We have the same ex-husband — and now we’re BFFs

 

In Christ,

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

 All Three          Advanced          Husband Leadership Book          luveuphoria-app-for-facebook-png

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How can the 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge enhance marriages?

The 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge as a method that husbands can use to enhance the love in their marriage. According to Loretta Livingstone, “Love must face reality, if it is to survive.” The reality is that the 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge provides the husband an opportunity to become the leader in transitioning his marriage into something that is more meaningful to him and his wife.

The 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge was developed from the Luveuphoria Phenomenon. The Luveuphoria Phenomenon is consistent with Newton’s Law of Cooling. Newton’s Law of Cooling states that the rate of change of the temperature of an object is proportional to the difference between its own temperature and the ambient temperature (i.e. the temperature of its surroundings). The Luveuphoria Phenomenon states that the rate of affection in a marriage is proportional to the number of non-sexual intimacy encounters and the number of days that a person is in the presence of their spouse.

The Luveuphoria Phenomenon uses the Luveuphoria Formula. The Luveuphoria Formula is as follows:

LF = [(Log10 (ns/nd)) · 10] – 1

ns = number of non-sexual touches

nd = number of days

The Luveuphoria Phenomenon has a scale and a chart.

Luveuphoria Scale rev 1

 

Luveuphoria Chart

Luveuphoria Numerical Scale
LF Range
0 Freezing
1 – 2 Cold
3 – 5 Warm
6 – 7 Hot
8 – 10 Extremely Hot
11 + Explosive

 

How will the 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge help marriages?

An increase in non-sexual intimacy is paramount for a healthy marriage because it has a powerful impact on the emotions. The skin contains receptors that directly elicit emotional responses, through stimulation of erogenous zones or nerve endings. The emotional impact of non-sexual intimacy is ingrained in our bodies.

Tactile corpuscles (or Meissner’s corpuscles) are responsible for the light touches associated with non-sexual intimacy. They are located on various areas of the skin, but concentrated in areas especially sensitive to light touch, such as the fingers and lips. They are specifically located in the glabrous skin just beneath the epidermis within the dermal papillae.

Another factor that contributes to the benefits of non-sexual intimacy is oxytocin. Non-sexual intimacy can induce oxytocin release. Oxytocin is a hormone that reduces stress related responses and is an important ingredient for any successful marriage. Oxytocin is produced mainly in the hypothalamus, where it is either released into the blood via the pituitary gland, or to other parts of the brain and spinal cord, where it binds to oxytocin receptors to influence behavior and physiology.

The oxytocin receptor, also known as OXTR, is a protein which functions as receptor for the hormone and neurotransmitter oxytocin. In humans, the oxytocin receptor is encoded by the OXTR gene which has been localized to human chromosome 3p25. Oxytocin receptors are present in the central nervous system. These receptors modulate a variety of behaviors, including stress and anxiety, social memory and recognition, sexual and aggressive behaviors, bonding (affiliation) and maternal behavior.

Studies have found that couples who engaged in non-sexual contact such as touching each other’s neck, shoulders, and hands, had more oxytocin in their saliva than couples who did not engage in this type of non-sexual intimacy. Oxytocin reduces the challenges that people experience from everyday stressors, such as family turmoil or conflict at work. In essence, non-sexual intimacy provides the positive energy necessary for a healthy marriage.

How does the 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge work?

1)      For ten days the husband will use the Luveuphoria Formula to pre-plan the non-sexual contacts with his wife. The goal is to stay within the extremely hot range. The husband can choose to use the convenience of our Luveuphoria Formula App which is available on the Apple Store or on the Google Play Store.  He can also use the Luveuphoria Kit.

2)      Each day the husband will post a brief Facebook video about their experience. They will include the following has tag – #10DayLuveuphoria – so that other husbands can benefit from their testimonial. The husband will also nominate two other husbands to take on the challenge.   

For your video testimonial here are a few tips. An effective testimonial is audible   and brief. The four essential parts to an effective testimonial include: (1) the beginning, (2) a sequence of events, (3) a Climax, and (4) a conclusion. In order to effectively organize your testimonial please consider the following. For the beginning include what your marriage was like before the 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge. For the sequence of events please include some of the non-sexual contacts that you used. For the climax include some of the responses that your wife had. For the conclusion include the positive impact that the 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge had on your marriage.

The 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge will help the husband to become the leader in transitioning his marriage to ensure eternal love between him and his wife.

Related Articles

7 Day Love Challenge

5 Things I Wish My Father Told Me About Marriage

4 simple, powerful ways to feel captivated by your spouse again

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

 Husband Leadership Book          Advanced          All Three

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila 

 

 

 

How can couples use disagreements to enhance the happiness in a marriage?

In a recent article, a marriage counselor provides advice designed to produce happiness in a marriage. A truly happy marriage is attainable with the appropriate leadership principles. Husbands and wives can play a primary role in ensuring happiness in their marriage by utilizing a leadership reflective process designed to limit the impact of disagreements.

According to the article, Marriage-Improvement Tips for Young Couples, arguments between the young husband and wife can impede the progress in a marriage, leaving the couple with feelings of confusion and helplessness. The author, Bob Strauss, believes that couples should refrain from attacking one another and instead provided details regarding their expectations.

Strauss utilizes the following example. Jane and William have recently celebrated their first anniversary. This is normally a happy time for a couple. However, for Jane and William, this milestone was filled with resentment and unhappiness. Jane was very angry because she believed William was relatively dismissive regarding the occasion. Her feelings were hurt. Jane expected an anniversary card, flowers and an expensive dinner at a special restaurant. William, completely unaware of these expectations, took her to dinner at a modest bistro and gave her a card that, in Jane’s opinion, was ordinary and unmemorable. Consequently, she was furious.

Jane attacked William for their differences in expectations. According to Strauss, “rather than attacking him, Jane should express how she feels and offer him an opportunity to make a more thoughtful response. William expresses regret and suggests that she should have been more explicit about her expectations. He explains that anniversaries in his family were not a big deal. This couple needed to learn how to defuse the situation, rather than escalate an argument.”

Strauss has made an error on several fronts. First, couples must understand that they come to the marriage with different expectations. When these expectations clash their is going to be a disagreement. It impossible to be in a marriage and not expect disagreements. What is more important is how each person in the marriage handles their anger regarding the disagreement. Strauss has also failed to expose that the characteristics associated with their disagreement is associated with a dysfunctional organization.

A dysfunctional organization begins with each individual use of defense mechanisms for coping. Defense mechanisms are the unwritten rules an individual learns and utilizes to effectively deal with circumstances that are upsetting, embarrassing, or threatening.

In this case Jane learned that celebrating an anniversary involved an anniversary card, flowers, and an expensive dinner. William learned that anniversaries were no big deal and responded to their first anniversary by taking Jane to a modest bistro and providing her with, in her opinion, an “ordinary and unmemorable card”. So both Jane and William learned that in order to ensure that there was no embarrassment at anniversary time different values. As they watched their parents operate it became the skilled incompetence stage for both of them.

Skilled incompetence, which is the outcome of the defense mechanisms we have internalized. When the defensive behaviors we’ve learned are transformed into a learned behavior, that behavior becomes a skill – albeit an incompetent skill – that we consider necessary in order to deal with issues that are embarrassing, threatening, or upsetting. A skill that is learned from the regular application of a defense mechanism has a high degree of incompetence embedded within it, because we are unaware of how this skill will impact our future.

Skilled incompetence transforms into a defensive routine. Defensive routines are the third level. When the skilled incompetence is automatically exhibited at all times, the behavior is now a defensive routine. This became the skill that both Jane and William decided to exhibit in regards to celebrating wedding anniversaries.

Defensive routines lead to fancy footwork. Fancy footwork happens when individuals try to deny the behavioral inconsistencies they exhibit, or else they place blame on other people, which results in distancing themselves from taking responsibility for their behavioral inconsistencies. Jane attacked William instead of realizing that both of them were correct with the way that they thought was appropriate for celebrating wedding anniversaries.

Fancy footwork leads to organizational malaise. During this phase the individuals in the organization will seek to find fault within the organization rather than accept responsibility for their actions and correct their behavior accordingly. The individual continues the process by accentuating the negative and deemphasizing the positive in an effort to cover up their actions. The organizational malaise is further exacerbated by a refusal of one or all the members to discuss their area of responsibility.

Jane was so angry with William that William retreated into silence. This is the way that he always responded to Jane’s anger. Now both Jane and William had hurt feelings and anger that resulted in disappointment and emotional isolation.

William attempted to explain to Jane that he was regretful and recommended that she become more direct with her expectations. The suggestion is problematic because it is after the fact and he has shifted the blame on Jane instead of evaluating how he contributed to the problem by celebrating anniversaries different from his wife.

What tool can husbands and wives use to increase the happiness in a marriage?

After the disagreement, William and Jane should have retrieved a blank piece of paper and reclined to a private place in the home and implemented the following steps:

1)      Draw a line down the middle of the paper

2)      On the left column, write down the conversation that he has with his wife Jane.

3)      On the right side, write down what he was thinking for each statement that was made by him and his wife.

4)      Reflect on his thinking and determine the point where he had a opportunity to ensure that the conversation remained positive.

Husbands can use this reflective process to ensure that they enhance happiness in their marriage.

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