How to have a lifelong marriage?

In a recent article, several couples who have provide advice on how they have managed to have a lifelong marriage. It is not a lack of love that derails a marriage, it is a lack of commitment. A lifelong marriage requires a commitment to the original design of marriage.

According to the article, Two long-married couples give advice on creating lifelong love, both couples necessitate the need for commitment, communication, teamwork, and stewardship are the primary ingredients for a lifelong marriage. Ted and Betty Sue Forrester made major contributions to the article. Betty Sue believes that marriage needs to founded in Godly principles. According to Betty Sue, “I would say to a couple, let the Lord be number one in your marriage and love and respect each other totally.” Ted surmises, “No matter what you’re doing, live within your means. Have one checkbook. None of this, your money and my money stuff. Marriage is a team.”

Jerry and Lucile Adams made contributions to the article too. According to Jerry, marriage is a commitment. Lucile had a focus on the finances and relationship aspect of a marriage. Lucile believes that marriage is give and take. “You can’t always have your way. Sometimes you have to go with his ideas, and then he’ll go with mine.”

While both couples have provided great insight into sustaining a lifelong marriage, the real problem that many couples have faced is the how.

How can couples create and sustain a lifelong marriage? 

Couples can create and sustain a lifelong marriage by replicating the original design of marriage. The first two phases of the original design of marriage focus on the man. According to Genesis 2:15, God called Adam to be a servant and steward over the Garden of Eden. This foundation is where most marriages fail. Husbands place an emphasis on working in the world rather than working for God.

I can’t number the countless times when I find the correlation between a troubled marriage and a husband who refuses to serve God.

Another troubling correlation in a troubled marriage is the husband’s lack of stewardship. Stewardship defines a man’s relationship to God. It identifies God as owner and man as manager.

Stewardship defines our practical obedience in the administration of everything under our control. It is the consecration of one’s self and possessions to God’s service. Stewardship acknowledges in practice that we do not have the right of control over ourselves or our property—God has that control. It means as stewards of God we are managers of that which belongs to God, and we are under His constant authority as we administer His affairs. Faithful stewardship means that we fully acknowledge we are not our own but belong to Christ, the Lord, who gave Himself for us.

The second challenge that can avert a lifelong marriage is when the perspective husband does not follow God’s directions. Praise and worship is one area that many men have challenges.

Men have responsibilities to God that many men will not follow.

For a  man  indeed ought  not to  cover  his  head, forasmuch as he  is the  image and  glory of  God:  but the woman  is the  glory of the man (1 Corinthians 11:7).

In this passage the image of God is Jesus Christ. The glory of God in the Greek doxa. Doxa means to honor, praise, and worship which is a primary area that many men have challenges.

Honoring God has many benefits. For example, when we honor God with our money we can expect increase. When we give to the Lord, we demonstrate to him, to others, to our wives, and to ourselves that he is supreme in our lives.  When we give, we attest that he is our most valued treasure. Giving shows that our hearts are set on him and not on our money or belongings. Giving honors God as supreme. Giving to him is an act of worship. Since finances is a primary reason for divorce, we can increase the likelihood of a lifelong marriage by tithing and giving.

The final necessity for a lifelong marriage is a wife that would help their husband in the spiritual mission that God has appointed him to serve. God put the husband and wife to work together as a team. Much of this necessity becomes diverted because the premium is placed in other areas. Marriages either become the focus of wife or the children. This is an error and can contribute to pitfalls that avert the benefits of a lifelong marriage.

Related Articles

Illinois Republicans Divided On Same-Sex Marriage, Trump

Woman has second thoughts about marriage

The Latino Marriage Paradox

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

Advanced          All Three          Husband Leadership Book

 

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila 

 

 

How can couples bulletproof their marriage?

In a recent article, several authors believe that the best way to bulletproof a marriage is to treat it like a business. Marriage is a sacred institution. Marriage should not be treated like a business. This also implies that a successful marriage is dependent on the economical system of the country. Couples can only bulletproof their marriage by replicating the characteristics associated with the original design of marriage (Ordermige).

According to the article, Couples learn how to bulletproof their marriage and invest in a life-long relationship, counselors Renato and Cardoso have created a guide for helping singles and couples. “The co-authors state that marriage is like a business and that problems should be approached as they would in a company, seeking a win-win situation for everyone. If one loses, both lose. So remember the company’s goals, the team, not just the individual. Similar to a company, propose a solution that addresses the cause of the problem. Having identified the challenge, couples are guided on how to agree a plan of action, define who will do what and test it to see if it offers a practical solution.” Treating a marriage like a business is problematic because it does not guide couples to replicate the original design of marriage.

The original design of marriage has three primary components. The fist component that is found in Genesis 2:16 which provides an insight on what preparation and characteristics will qualify a man to be a husband. The perspective husband must be a servant and a good steward over the resources that God has provided.

A servant is a person who obedient and faithful to God – The Father of Jesus Christ.(Joshua 1:2; 2 Kings 8:19; Daniel 6:20; Colossians 4:12; 2 Timothy 2:24). Our great almighty God Jesus Christ was a servant too. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). Jesus Christ servanthood attitude was exemplified according to Philippians 2:6-7.

“Who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, taking the form of a servant” (Philippians 2:6-7).

A servant will also have a relationship with Jesus Christ. He will dedicate himself to his calling. He will be a great steward over the resources that God has provided. Daniel provides an example of a good steward. Like many of us, Daniel was a steward in a foreign land. Whatever God entrust us with, whether it is gifts of ability, intellect, possessions, position, or financial prosperity, he places those gifting into our lives to bless others, and to further God’s purposes. Daniel and his friends Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, who are better, know as Shadrach, Meschach and Abendego, found themselves as captives who were temporarily living in Babylon. As stewards, they choose to live a modest life style (Daniel 1:3-30).

  • Daniel used his gifts to glorify God (Daniel 2: 1-47).
  • Daniel risked his life to save pagan magicians form the king’s wrath (Daniel 2:24).
  • Daniel used his position and power to bless others (Daniel 2:48-49).
  • Daniel and his friends responded to the king with respect after proving that God was greater than the king’s god (Daniel 3:1-30).
  • Daniel recognized that his gifts were to not for self-indulgence but to bring about God’s purposes (Daniel 5:13-23).

The second component for the original design of marriage which will help couples to bulletproof their marriage is found in Genesis 2:16-17. God gave Adam instruction on what he could and could not do. One area that many men and woman have challenges with is pre-marital sex. Even though there is no specific prohibition in the Bible against sex between an unmarried man and unmarried woman. However, “sexual immorality” is denounced in about 25 passages in the New Testament. The word translated as “sexual immorality” or “fornication” in English versions of the Bible is the Greek word porneia, which means “illicit sexual intercourse.”

The third component that will help couples to bulletproof their marriage is found in Genesis 2:18. This is the area that the authors are directing couples to concentrate on without considering the original design of marriage. In this phase couples are to work together as a team. They are to have a primary focus on where God has called the man to serve. It does not minimize the Spiritual Gifts endowed to the wife, but it highlights the couples calling on their lives which is the only way for couples to bulletproof their marriage.

Related Articles

Bulletproof Marriage sponsors bridal gown at the Wedding Expo

What a Marriage Therapist Really Thinks

The Military’s Problem With Marriage

In Christ,

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 4707

Cherry Hill, NJ 08003

(856) 566-3267

www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three          Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

How should husbands apply the number one priority in their marriage?

In a recent article, a local author presupposes that husbands should implement their number one marriage priority through a socialization process that involves socialization unity. Unity is one of the most important aspects of a successful marriage. Husbands can make their number on priority in marriage by replicating the original design of marriage.

According to the article, Price: Making your marriage your No.1 priority, the practical applications of sustaining a romantic relationship include:

  • Dinner dates, important decision-making conversations, trips together, and sex sessions
  • Schedule one relationship enhancement event a year which includes a marriage retreat, a few sessions of couples’ counseling or at the very least a romantic getaway

The problem with the author’s advice is that is does not adhere in its entirety to the original design of marriage. According to the second phase of the original design of marriage a husband is to follow God’s directions. We can find one of those directions in Ephesians 5:25.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (Ephesians 5:25).

The type of love referred to in this scripture is agape. Unlike our English word love, agape is not used in the New Testament to refer to romantic or sexual love. Nor does it refer to close friendship or brotherly love, for which the Greek word philia is used.

Agape love is a little different. It is not a feeling. The essence of agape love is goodwill, benevolence, and willful delight in the object of love. Agape love involves faithfulness, commitment, and an act of the will. It is distinguished from the other types of love by its lofty moral nature and strong character.

In the New Testament it takes on a distinct meaning. Agape is used to describe the love that is of and from God, whose very nature is love itself: “God is love” (1 John 4:8). God does not merely love; He is love itself. Everything God does flows from His love. Agape is also used to describe our love for God (Luke 10:27), a servant’s faithful respect to his master (Matthew 6:24), and a man’s attachment to things (John 3:19).

As mentioned in Ephesians 5:25, agape love is mentioned in how a husband should interact with his wife. God would not leave this as an instruction if it were not possible for the husband to provide this agape love. We also find this type of love in Ephesians 5:28.

How can a husband implement agape love in his marriage?

Agape love is to love in a social or moral sense. Implementing the social perspective means to form cooperative and interdependent relationships with others. The husband must form a cooperative and interdependent relationships with his wife. Implementing the moral perspective involves conforming to standards of what is right or just behavior.

Agape love in a marriage involves forming cooperative, interdependent, and right behavior with your spouse.

One example of a cooperative relationships is between a wolf and a raven. Ravens will guide the wolf to prey and the raven will eat the leftovers. Without this cooperation with each other it is difficult for either to survive. Which should be the same for the husband and wife. Cooperation requires teamwork which is consistent with the third phase of the original design of marriage. Teamwork is the action of working or acting together for a common purpose or benefit.

An interdependent relationship is a close personal relationship between a husband and wife, where one or both provides some type of support, and care of the other. Several examples of an interdependent relationships include:

  • Bees depend on flowers for nectar and flowers depend on bees for cross pollination
  • The relationship between a manager and his employees
  • Our muscles need oxygen to work, the circulatory and respiratory systems need muscles to get oxygen.

The final application that a husband must implement to ensure a happy marriage is right behavior. The husband is to assume leadership in the home (1 Corinthians 11:3. This leadership should not be dictatorial, condescending, or patronizing to the wife, but should be in accordance with the example of Christ leading the church. Husbands can accomplish the number one priority in their marriage by adhering to the original design of marriage.

Related Articles

Could your relationship survive ‘The Marriage Test’? Try this experiment to see

‘Married at First Sight’ recap: Is one husband stepping out?

7 Conversations To Have Before Marriage (If You Want To Avoid Divorce)

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three     Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

How can the husband infuse the lust back into marriage without a sex therapist?

In a recent article, an author presupposes that putting the lust back into marriage requires the services of a sex therapist. Sex therapist will often delve into the turning point of the lack of desire for sex in a marriage as a leverage point. The only alternative that a husband can use to put the lust back into his marriage without a sex therapist is to utilize the Luveuphoria System.

According to the article, Sex advice with Suzi Godson: Can I get the lust back in my marriage?, a large scale research project of later life divorce in the United States found that 24 percent of marriages failed due to couples either gradually drifting apart or falling out of love with each other. The solution offered to this travesty includes utilizing a sex therapist to create a radical shift in the way that each person views each other. The real solution does not involve sight, it involves non-sexual contact.

Why is non-sexual contact important in a marriage? 

In developing a positive relationship with your spouse, there needs to be more positive interactions than negative interactions in a marriage. It is best to exhibit those positive interactions through non-sexual contact which does not require a sex therapist.

An non-sexual touch such as a friendly slap on the back, a sensual caress, or a loving kiss has a powerful impact on the emotions. In fact, our skin contains receptors that directly elicit emotional responses, through stimulation of erogenous zones or nerve endings. The emotional impact of non-sexual contact is ingrained in our bodies.

Tactile corpuscles (or Meissner’s corpuscles) are responsible for the light touches associated with non-sexual contact. They are located on various areas of the skin, but concentrated in areas especially sensitive to light touch, such as the fingers and lips. They are specifically located in the glabrous skin just beneath the epidermis within the dermal papillae.

Another factor that contributes to the benefits of non-sexual contact is oxytocin. Non-sexual contact can induce oxytocin release among humans. Oxytocin is a hormone that reduces stress related responses and is an important ingredient for any successful marriage. Oxytocin is produced mainly in the hypothalamus, where it is either released into the blood via the pituitary gland, or to other parts of the brain and spinal cord, where it binds to oxytocin receptors to influence behavior and physiology.

The oxytocin receptor, also known as OXTR, is a protein which functions as receptor for the hormone and neurotransmitter oxytocin. In humans, the oxytocin receptor is encoded by the OXTR gene which has been localized to human chromosome 3p25. Oxytocin receptors are present in the central nervous system. These receptors modulate a variety of behaviors, including stress and anxiety, social memory and recognition, sexual and aggressive behaviors, bonding (affiliation) and maternal behavior.

Couples who engaged in non-sexual contact such as touching each other’s neck, shoulders, and hands, had more oxytocin in their saliva than couples who did not engage in this type of non-sexual contact. Women who reported frequent hugs from their husband displayed higher levels of oxytocin in their blood than women who report few hugs. Oxytocin reduces the challenges that people experience from everyday stressors, such as family turmoil or conflict at work.

Non-sexual contact from a spouse can reduce stress. Married women who are holding their husband’s hand have smaller threat-related neural responses than when they are holding the hand of a stranger or do not engage in handholding.

Husbands who desire to infuse the lust back into their marriage with out the use of a sex therapist must utilize the Luveuphoria System which includes the Luveuphoria formula.

Related Articles

What is sex therapy for men and how do you know if you need it

SEXUALITY MATTERS: What is your couple sexual style?

The 6 Big Sex Questions to Ask Each Other Before You Get Married

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell

PO Box 4707

Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267

www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three          Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

How should a husband interact with the in-laws?

In a recent article, an author proposes four solutions to ending the potential battle between the husband and the in-laws. The husband is the leader of the family and must consider the overall impact of his decisions. Husband’s will better serve their family by ensuring that an effective plan is developed for interacting with the in-laws.

According to the article, A Husband’s Guide to Dealing with the In-laws, there are four questions that a husband needs to respond to in order to have a better relationship with the in-laws. The first consideration involves the wife. Since the wife comes first, the husband must consider:

  • What serves her best as you think about her parents?
  • Does she need protection or distance from an abusive father?
  • Does she long for closer connection with her mom?
  • Does she flourish when she’s back home for the holidays?
  • Rather than thinking about your own interests and agenda first, what serves your wife’s needs and desires the best?

The second consideration involves the husband’s family. The husband should consider his wife, his marriage, and his kids. The husband can consider his family through by entertaining the following questions:

  • Do your kids prosper around their grandparents?
  • Is there something unique happening in the life of your family that means it is best not to have more stress in your household for a season?

The third consideration involves the in-laws. The husband should consider the following questions:

  • Is what you want to say for their benefit or is it just to vent your frustration?
  • Have you considered the ways your family might be able to bless them with access to your household?
  • Are there ways your wife legitimately needs to care for the needs of her aging parents?
  • If you have kids of your own, one day you are likely to be the in-law parents. How would you like to be treated when the time comes?

The final consideration for the in-laws involves the husband himself. The husband should consider the following questions:

  • What serves your needs?
  • Is it hugely draining for you to be around your in-laws?
  • Have you spent every vacation for the last ten years with her family, and now it’s time to try something different?
  • Are you trying to encourage a healthy relationship that moves beyond familiar passive-aggressive dynamics?

The problem with the advice provided by All Pro Dad is that it does not follow the original design of marriage (Ordermige). There are three phases to the original design of marriage. In the second phase, Adam was instructed by God on what he could and could not do.

God has left the husband two instructions that are prominent in how he interacts with his in-laws. The first instruction in found in (Genesis 2:24). According to this instruction, a husband is to forsake his mother and father for the sake of his wife. He and his wife are to become one flesh together. No father or mother from either side should be able to come between them. What also happens is that the two families become joined together. The husband’s parents become the parents of the wife and the wife’s parents become the parents of the husband.

The bible has left a very specific instructions for parents in Exodus 20:12.

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee (Exodus 20:12).

The word honour in the Hebrew means to make numerous, rich, honorable. According to the law of first mention, the first time that this word honour is mentioned in the bible is in Genesis 13:2. The verse indicates that Abraham was rich. According to the scriptures, the husband should work with his wife to develop a plan that enhances the lives of his in-laws.

Related Articles

Surviving holidays with the in-laws

How to Have Holiday Sex at Your In-Laws’

Great in-laws are inclusive, thoughtful, friendly

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three          Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

 

 

Will Julia Roberts marriage advice prevent divorce?

In a recent article, Julia Roberts provides marriage advice that will allegedly avoid the pitfalls associated with divorce. A successful marriage is not isolated to one act. A successful marriage is a collection of behaviors, feelings, and acts that both the man and woman contribute. The marriage advice provided by Julia advice lacks the substance needed to continue in a happy marriage.

According to the article, Julia Roberts Gives Advice for a Successful Marriage, Julie believes that the most important aspect of a is physical contact. She specifically believes that kissing on a daily basis.

This thirteen year marriage veteran is married to Danny Moder and has three children. As a movie star it appears that her viewpoint on marriage is unrealistic. She and her husband have many of the resources that other couples are unable to obtain. At the financial level of their marriage it is interesting to know how kissing can impact a marriage.

How does the marriage advice of kissing impact a marriage?

The proximity associated with a kiss is paramount. Society has placed values on the proximity of the kiss. A kiss on the cheek is an indication of friendship. On the forehead reveals comfort, on the nose is for play, on the lips is love, and on the neck screams a desire for more.

There are several classifications of kisses which include compassion, pecks of play, and smooches displaying affection.  There is a deep passionate kiss that is part of sexual foreplay. God-created the lips as the most sensitive region of the body over the genitals and fingertips. It’s the thinnest skin covering and consist of extensive nerve-endings. Kissing feels so good because lips are designed to feel good.

A kiss is so powerful because it can set off at least four chemical explosions inside the person. First, pheromones, which are airborne chemicals referred to as ‘chemistry’ between people. Natural human scents are emitted unconsciously by all people and when smelt by someone in a close exchange such as a kiss can elicit strong reactions of attraction or aversion.

Secondly, the rush of adrenaline that is produced in a kiss can literally “make your heart race” because with adrenaline, there is an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and dilation of pupils. You feel the surge and it feels good when people kiss.

Thirdly, pleasure centers of the brain become active with the surprise and excitement from a good kiss. The kiss can trigger a release of dopamine which is another hormone that brings a sense of giddiness or euphoria associated with romantic love.

Finally, when the affection is right and the commitment real, a  kiss will release oxytocin that evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security around a mate. Therefore creating a deep bond between the husband and wife.

As powerful as a kiss can be, it is only a minor part of a successful marriage. A successful marriage includes three components which are outlined in the original design of marriage. The marriage advice from Julia Roberts is shallow in that it does not provide the process for infusing agape love.

How can couples infuse agape love which was excluded by Julia Roberts?

Agape love means to love from a social or moral sense. From a social perspective, Agape Love means to form a cooperative and interdependent relationship with others. From a moral perspective, Agape Love means to conform to standards of right and just behavior. When applied to a marriage, Agape Love means to form cooperative, interdependent, and right behavior with your spouse.

Couples will need to work as a team to infuse the concept of agape love for which Julia Roberts has not provided.

Related Articles

Get to know… Ashley McDonald

What’s Julia Roberts’ Secret to a Healthy Relationship?

Julia Roberts believes “kissing” is the secret behind her successful marriage with Danny Moder.

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell

PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three         Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

How should husbands handle a smart wife?

In a recent article, a study revealed that men are less likely to formulate a relationship with a perspective smart wife. This study could have ramifications for the future of husbands. Husbands who have a smart wife can make their marriage more productive by adhering to the original design for marriage (Ordermige).

According to the article, Why men are threatened by smart women, men become threatened by woman as a result of violating male tendencies associated with male masculinity. The study involved 105 male participants. The participants read a hypothetical scenario regarding a woman who either outperformed or underperformed them. The men gave favorable responses to women who were regarded as a smart woman when compared to the man.

However, when the man was positioned to meet the smart woman, the tables turned. The men revealed a desire to distance them from meeting the smart woman, rated the same woman as less attractive, and indicated a desire not to exchange information with the woman or go on a date with the woman. The men exhibited characteristics associated with a dysfunctional organization. For husbands to have success with a smart wife they must understand the roles of the husband and wife in a marriage.

What are the husband and smart wife roles in a marriage?

The role of the husband and wife differ according to the source. According to one source, the wife’s duties are limited to submission to her husband and household duties. Specifically, the wife is the manager of the home with the husband as the overseer of her duties and her life. The wife is responsible for the daily care of children, meal preparation, and keeping the house clean and in manageable order. The wife can take on additional responsibilities such as getting a job.

According to the same source, the primary role of the husband is to provide oversight to his wife and children. He provides oversight in the areas of Bible studies and prayers. The second primary role in the family is to be the breadwinner who provides the financial support for the family. Herein lays the problem with a husband who has a smart wife.

Most smart wives make a sizable salary when compared to their husband and other wives. While the bible points out that the husband is the leader of the family, the husband could feel that his leadership is diminished and challenged due to the role that finances can play in a marriage.

What role do finances play in a marriage that consists of a smart wife?

In America, finances can play a major role in a marriage. According to the 2010 American Community Survey, for 24% of couples the wife earns more money than the husband. While the marriage rate decreases for women who earn more money than men, it is also reported that women who earn more money than their husband are less happy in the marriage. According to a survey of 4,000 married couples, researchers found that the percentage of people who reported being “very happy” declined when the wife earns more money than the husband. While close to 50 percent of wives and husbands reported being very happily married, both spouses are 6 percentage points less likely to report a “very happy” marriage when the wife earns more. They’re 8 percentage points more likely to report marital troubles in the past year and 6 percentage points more likely to have discussed separating in the past year. It also appears to affect divorce rates, as they write that having a wife who earns more than her husband “increases the likelihood of divorce by 50 percent.”

Even though the breadwinner wife is the unhappiest, this can also result in unhappiness for both the husband and the marriage. The husband will need to use alternative strategies to ensure a happy marriage.

What strategy should the husband use to ensure a great marriage with a smart wife?

Husbands need only to replicate the original design for marriage (Ordermige) to ensure happiness for both the wife and husband. The husband needs to ensure that he is a servant and good steward over the resources that God provides (Genesis 2:15). If the husband is a servant then he is following his original purpose as ordained by God. If he is a good steward over the resources, then his smart wife is more likely to trust him with the finances.

The next step is for him to follow God’s instructions. Another way for the husband to ensure financial stability is to follow God’s instructions in the area of tithing. According to Malachi 3:10-11, “Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the Lord of hosts.”

The final step is for the husband to ensure that the wife becomes a team player in the area that God has called him to serve. This will add security for the smart wife who is the breadwinner.

Related Articles

I wear the pants but my wife is the smart one: George Clooney

Abby: Wife needs wake-up call on family’s sleep pattern

Photographer shares husband’s touching reaction to wife’s Photoshopped pictures

In Christ,

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell

PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three          Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila