How can wives save their marriage?

A recent article provides a wife advice that could devastate their marriage and lead to a divorce. Divorce should not be an option when infidelity is not involved. Wives  can save their marriage by taking their rightful place as outlined in the original design of marriage.

According to the article, Advice for the Modern Man: Can I Still Save My Marriage, the wife has several complaints regarding her marriage. This wife complains that she initialized several efforts to save her marriage. She has had several conversations with her husband in which he agrees to help save their marriage. She has even attempted to withdraw from the wedding, but her then fiancé told her that things would get better. She also stated that her husband is neither physically nor emotionally abusive.

The article author believes that the husband is negligent and the wife should use her existence in the marriage as a tool to enhance her husband’s behavior. “The time for generalities and hollow threats is over. It’s about action now. And if, for whatever reason, he still won’t get off the sectional, you have to be willing to walk away”, says the author.

The advice provided by this author is treacherous on several fronts. First, since the husband has not committed any acts associated with infidelity, she has no grounds to leave her husband. The Holy Scriptures are very clear in the area of infidelity (Matthew 5:32 &1 Corinthians 7:10 – 7:11)

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery (Matthew 5:32).

And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife  (1 Corinthians 7:10 – 7:11).

Secondly, the author should address the husband’s behavior for embracing the sectional. The husband either does not work and the sectional has become a place of comfort. Or he works very hard and uses the sectional as a device of refuge. In either case, this husband has missed the purpose of his marriage which is outlined in the original design of marriage.

Instead on complaining and exhibiting self-centered behaviors, the wife needs to exhibit behaviors associated with her role in the original design of marriage. The wife can find her original role in Genesis 2:18. In this verse, she is to help the husband with his God ordained purpose. But according to the article, she wants to be the center of the marriage. She not only wants to place herself above the needs of her husband, but she wants to place herself above God.

There are several women in the bible who decided to put themselves above their husband which resulted in devastation for the wife. One example is Queen Vashti.

In the Book of Esther, Queen Vashti is the wife of King Ahasuerus. While her husband was holding a banquet for his princes, nobles and servants, Vashti was holding a separate banquet for the women. On the seventh day of the banquet, the king ordered his seven chamberlains to summon Vashti to come before him and his guests wearing only her royal crown, in order to display her beauty. Queen Vashti refused to come, and the king became angry. He asked his advisers how the queen should be punished for her disobedience. His adviser Memucan told him that Vashti has wronged not only the king, but also all of the husbands of Persia, whose wives may be encouraged by Vashti’s act of disobedience. Memucan encouraged King Ahasuerus to dismiss Queen Vashti and find another queen. King Ahasuerus took Memucan’s advice, and sent letters to all of the provinces that men should dominate in their households. Ahasuerus subsequently chooses Esther as his queen to replaced former Queen Vashti.

Instead of taking advice that can result in a divorce, wives can take their rightful place in their marriage by becoming the intimate team player. This is their position according to the original design of marriage. In this way, they will work together as a team and therefore avoid the atrocities associated with divorce by positioning their marriage to prosper.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

 All Three     Advanced     Husband Leadership Book     high-res-png     luveuphoria-app-for-facebook-png

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 Derrick and Sheila

 

How can couples use disagreements to enhance the happiness in a marriage?

In a recent article, a marriage counselor provides advice designed to produce happiness in a marriage. A truly happy marriage is attainable with the appropriate leadership principles. Husbands and wives can play a primary role in ensuring happiness in their marriage by utilizing a leadership reflective process designed to limit the impact of disagreements.

According to the article, Marriage-Improvement Tips for Young Couples, arguments between the young husband and wife can impede the progress in a marriage, leaving the couple with feelings of confusion and helplessness. The author, Bob Strauss, believes that couples should refrain from attacking one another and instead provided details regarding their expectations.

Strauss utilizes the following example. Jane and William have recently celebrated their first anniversary. This is normally a happy time for a couple. However, for Jane and William, this milestone was filled with resentment and unhappiness. Jane was very angry because she believed William was relatively dismissive regarding the occasion. Her feelings were hurt. Jane expected an anniversary card, flowers and an expensive dinner at a special restaurant. William, completely unaware of these expectations, took her to dinner at a modest bistro and gave her a card that, in Jane’s opinion, was ordinary and unmemorable. Consequently, she was furious.

Jane attacked William for their differences in expectations. According to Strauss, “rather than attacking him, Jane should express how she feels and offer him an opportunity to make a more thoughtful response. William expresses regret and suggests that she should have been more explicit about her expectations. He explains that anniversaries in his family were not a big deal. This couple needed to learn how to defuse the situation, rather than escalate an argument.”

Strauss has made an error on several fronts. First, couples must understand that they come to the marriage with different expectations. When these expectations clash their is going to be a disagreement. It impossible to be in a marriage and not expect disagreements. What is more important is how each person in the marriage handles their anger regarding the disagreement. Strauss has also failed to expose that the characteristics associated with their disagreement is associated with a dysfunctional organization.

A dysfunctional organization begins with each individual use of defense mechanisms for coping. Defense mechanisms are the unwritten rules an individual learns and utilizes to effectively deal with circumstances that are upsetting, embarrassing, or threatening.

In this case Jane learned that celebrating an anniversary involved an anniversary card, flowers, and an expensive dinner. William learned that anniversaries were no big deal and responded to their first anniversary by taking Jane to a modest bistro and providing her with, in her opinion, an “ordinary and unmemorable card”. So both Jane and William learned that in order to ensure that there was no embarrassment at anniversary time different values. As they watched their parents operate it became the skilled incompetence stage for both of them.

Skilled incompetence, which is the outcome of the defense mechanisms we have internalized. When the defensive behaviors we’ve learned are transformed into a learned behavior, that behavior becomes a skill – albeit an incompetent skill – that we consider necessary in order to deal with issues that are embarrassing, threatening, or upsetting. A skill that is learned from the regular application of a defense mechanism has a high degree of incompetence embedded within it, because we are unaware of how this skill will impact our future.

Skilled incompetence transforms into a defensive routine. Defensive routines are the third level. When the skilled incompetence is automatically exhibited at all times, the behavior is now a defensive routine. This became the skill that both Jane and William decided to exhibit in regards to celebrating wedding anniversaries.

Defensive routines lead to fancy footwork. Fancy footwork happens when individuals try to deny the behavioral inconsistencies they exhibit, or else they place blame on other people, which results in distancing themselves from taking responsibility for their behavioral inconsistencies. Jane attacked William instead of realizing that both of them were correct with the way that they thought was appropriate for celebrating wedding anniversaries.

Fancy footwork leads to organizational malaise. During this phase the individuals in the organization will seek to find fault within the organization rather than accept responsibility for their actions and correct their behavior accordingly. The individual continues the process by accentuating the negative and deemphasizing the positive in an effort to cover up their actions. The organizational malaise is further exacerbated by a refusal of one or all the members to discuss their area of responsibility.

Jane was so angry with William that William retreated into silence. This is the way that he always responded to Jane’s anger. Now both Jane and William had hurt feelings and anger that resulted in disappointment and emotional isolation.

William attempted to explain to Jane that he was regretful and recommended that she become more direct with her expectations. The suggestion is problematic because it is after the fact and he has shifted the blame on Jane instead of evaluating how he contributed to the problem by celebrating anniversaries different from his wife.

What tool can husbands and wives use to increase the happiness in a marriage?

After the disagreement, William and Jane should have retrieved a blank piece of paper and reclined to a private place in the home and implemented the following steps:

1)      Draw a line down the middle of the paper

2)      On the left column, write down the conversation that he has with his wife Jane.

3)      On the right side, write down what he was thinking for each statement that was made by him and his wife.

4)      Reflect on his thinking and determine the point where he had a opportunity to ensure that the conversation remained positive.

Husbands can use this reflective process to ensure that they enhance happiness in their marriage.

Related Articles

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10 Signs You Have A Solid Foundation For A Marriage

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

 All Three          Advanced       

 

– Husband Leadership Principles

 

Husband Leadership Book

 

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 Derrick and Sheila

 

Will Julia Roberts marriage advice prevent divorce?

In a recent article, Julia Roberts provides marriage advice that will allegedly avoid the pitfalls associated with divorce. A successful marriage is not isolated to one act. A successful marriage is a collection of behaviors, feelings, and acts that both the man and woman contribute. The marriage advice provided by Julia advice lacks the substance needed to continue in a happy marriage.

According to the article, Julia Roberts Gives Advice for a Successful Marriage, Julie believes that the most important aspect of a is physical contact. She specifically believes that kissing on a daily basis.

This thirteen year marriage veteran is married to Danny Moder and has three children. As a movie star it appears that her viewpoint on marriage is unrealistic. She and her husband have many of the resources that other couples are unable to obtain. At the financial level of their marriage it is interesting to know how kissing can impact a marriage.

How does the marriage advice of kissing impact a marriage?

The proximity associated with a kiss is paramount. Society has placed values on the proximity of the kiss. A kiss on the cheek is an indication of friendship. On the forehead reveals comfort, on the nose is for play, on the lips is love, and on the neck screams a desire for more.

There are several classifications of kisses which include compassion, pecks of play, and smooches displaying affection.  There is a deep passionate kiss that is part of sexual foreplay. God-created the lips as the most sensitive region of the body over the genitals and fingertips. It’s the thinnest skin covering and consist of extensive nerve-endings. Kissing feels so good because lips are designed to feel good.

A kiss is so powerful because it can set off at least four chemical explosions inside the person. First, pheromones, which are airborne chemicals referred to as ‘chemistry’ between people. Natural human scents are emitted unconsciously by all people and when smelt by someone in a close exchange such as a kiss can elicit strong reactions of attraction or aversion.

Secondly, the rush of adrenaline that is produced in a kiss can literally “make your heart race” because with adrenaline, there is an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and dilation of pupils. You feel the surge and it feels good when people kiss.

Thirdly, pleasure centers of the brain become active with the surprise and excitement from a good kiss. The kiss can trigger a release of dopamine which is another hormone that brings a sense of giddiness or euphoria associated with romantic love.

Finally, when the affection is right and the commitment real, a  kiss will release oxytocin that evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security around a mate. Therefore creating a deep bond between the husband and wife.

As powerful as a kiss can be, it is only a minor part of a successful marriage. A successful marriage includes three components which are outlined in the original design of marriage. The marriage advice from Julia Roberts is shallow in that it does not provide the process for infusing agape love.

How can couples infuse agape love which was excluded by Julia Roberts?

Agape love means to love from a social or moral sense. From a social perspective, Agape Love means to form a cooperative and interdependent relationship with others. From a moral perspective, Agape Love means to conform to standards of right and just behavior. When applied to a marriage, Agape Love means to form cooperative, interdependent, and right behavior with your spouse.

Couples will need to work as a team to infuse the concept of agape love for which Julia Roberts has not provided.

Related Articles

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Julia Roberts believes “kissing” is the secret behind her successful marriage with Danny Moder.

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell

PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three         Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

How can couples stay in love forever?

According to a recent article, couples can stay in love if they utilize several small daily practices. Staying in love requires basic principles that supersede daily practices. Couples can only stay in love if they understand what it takes to have a marriage commitment.

According to the article, Marriage Advice: 6 Ways to Stay in Love Forever, the following six main practices will maintain a loving marriage.

  1. Couple Time
  2. Connecting throughout the day
  3. Giving Appreciations
  4. Trying new things
  5. Making each other laugh
  6. Praising your spouse’s physical appearance

While each practice has benefits, it will not become beneficial unless the husband and wife understand commitment.

What type of commitment will ensure that couples stay in love?

According to the world’s standards, commitment is the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc. The classic example of commitment is related to the egg and bacon breakfast. The chicken is involved but the pig is committed. The chicken is involved because they continue to lay the eggs. It is a natural process and their contribution does not have to be permanent. However, the pig is committed because their involvement is permanent.

Commitment involves demonstrating that an individual will engage in something in which it has the highest priority. The Bible also teaches that the highest priority in our lives is our commitment to God. Jesus said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment” (Matthew 22:37-38).

Furthermore, according to the original design of marriage (Ordermige), both men and women should learn certain commitments before entertaining marriage. The major commitment that the perspective husbands must have is to become a servant and a steward. The perspective wife must learn to be committed to the husband.

What type of servant should the man be to ensure that he and his wife stay in love forever?

According to the original design of marriage (Ordermige), the husband should be a servant that is committed to God. A husband that is committed to God will serve his purpose. God calls every man to serve a purpose that glorifies His name. Noah served his purpose when he obeyed God and built the ark. Joseph served his purpose when he delivered his family from the famine that was in the land of Egypt. Moses served his purpose when he delivered the Israelis from the clutches of the Egyptians. A husband who desires to stay in love forever must maintain a commitment to God by serving in his God ordained purpose.

What type of steward should the man be to ensure that he and his wife stay in love forever?

According to the original design of marriage (Ordermige), God granted Adam a stewardship when He assigned him the duty of protecting the Garden of Eden. A stewardship requires a relationship between the master and the one that the master entrusts with the resources.

Stewards faithfully use their talents and resources to glorify God. In the parable regarding the talents, Jesus teaches us that we are to use our resources to glorify God (Matthew 25: 14-30). It does not matter whether the resources are epic or miniscule. God expects men to be good stewards over the resources that He provides.

What type of wife should a woman be to ensure that she and her husband stay in love forever?

According to the original design of marriage (Ordermige), God made Eve to be a helper. God added Eve so that she and Adam would become a team. A team is a group who are organized together for some common goal. That common goal is the area in which Adam and in our case in which the man is called to serve. From a biblical perspective, teamwork involves sharing in the biblical responsibilities based on biblical goals, values, priorities, giftedness, and training. God made Eve to be a team player. God designed each wife to be the ultimate team player. A team player does not seek to be a one-person show, but works together with her husband and uses their skills and abilities in a cooperative way.

Staying in love forever will require that couples exhibit a commitment to God as outlined in the original design of marriage (Ordermige).

Related Articles

12 Things Not to Say to Someone Who Loves Staying In

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three          Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

How can couples keep disagreements from tearing their marriage apart?

In a recent article, it is suggested that little disagreements are at the primary cause that is tearing marriages apart. Couples who intend to remain married must have the fortitude to overcome many obstacles. Couples can avoid the disagreements that can tear them apart by developing a strategic plan for their marriage.

According to the article, It’s the Little Disagreements That Tear a Marriage Apart, a 10 year Australian survey revealed that men are the happiest in the first few years of marriage, when they have no dependent children, their wife is five years or more younger than them, wife has a high school diploma or less, wife does not work, wife has good physical and mental health, wife is an extrovert, agreeable, conscientious, and emotionally stable, and the wife does not smoke.

The marriage survey revealed that woman are the happiest in a non marriage committed marriage of less than three years, have no dependent children, their partner is five years or more younger than them, partner has a high school diploma or less, she does not work, partner is in good mental and physical shape, partner is agreeable and she is not, partner is conscientious and emotionally stable and neither partners smoke.

According to the survey both the husband and wife are the happiest:

  • In the first few years of marriage
  • They have no dependent children
  • The other person has less than a high school education
  • The wife does not work
  • Both are agreeable, conscientious, and emotionally stable
  • Both are in good physical and mental health

The marriage survey revealed that both the husband and wife are the unhappiest:

  • When they have dependent children
  • When the other partner is five or more years older than the other
  • Partner is in poor physical or emotional health
  • When one smokes and the other does not smoke

An evaluation of the breaking points for marriages, according to this survey, is having no dependent children and both the husband and wife are in good physical and mental health. It is quite unnatural for both a husband and wife to desire to not pro create.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of a childfree marriage?

The advantages of a childfree marriage include having more time for yourself and other relationships, you won’t have as many time restrictions, the world will be less crowded which will result in less depletion of scarce resources, and the couple will have additional monies that would have been spent on children. The disadvantages of a childfree marriage include that the couple will be considered a misfit among their peer group, the couple will miss our of what many have considered a crucial role in life, and you will not have anyone to take care of you grow older.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of a healthy spouse?

The answer to this question should be self explanatory. No spouse desires for their spouse to suffer the tragedies that are associated will poor health. Poor health means that the other spouse has an additional worry along with many other worries that can complicate life. However, an additional complication is the financial stress that unhealthiness can have on a marriage.

The common denominator is money. The lack of money can tear a marriage apart. Couples can avoid this trap by developing a strategic plan for their marriage. Developing a strategic plan requires first developing a family shared vision based on what each persons values are in a marriage followed by developing goals, objectives, timelines, and associated costs. Following this process will eliminate the disagreements that can tear a marriage apart.

Related Articles

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell

PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

 

Advanced          All Three

 

 

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

 

 

How can husbands make their marriage work?

According to a recent article, making a marriage work involves implementing strategies that are exclusive of the original design for marriage. Husbands are the primary cornerstone for a happy relationship between a man and a woman. Husbands can make their marriage work by placing a premium on the original design for marriage.

 

According to the article, for those who are married, the reality that relationships are hard can be tough to navigate as well. Just as not everyone chooses to get married, there are those who choose to commit to a life-long relationship, despite the difficulties that will inevitably come.

Making marriage satisfying, especially when one is committed to making it work, can often be a frustrating struggle. But it doesn’t always have to be that way, or at least not as daunting as some make it out to be. Just as Bolick seeks to ease the burden of women in the single life, there are those who think making marriage work can be easier than many believe.

The American Conservative’s Eve Tushnet, for example, believes marriage should be a joint effort not only between spouses, but among friends.

“No marriage is an island,” she wrote last week. “Two people can’t always lift a marriage on their own shoulders,” which is why friends and family can be such an important part of any couple’s journey.

Constantly re-evaluating one’s perspective is another important part of making a marriage work. In an article for Psychology Today, Kate Fridkis cited the common problem of simply having unrealistic expectations as a real threat to happy marriages.

“The problem is that we have this mold in the shape of a fairytale, and we’re all trying to cram our sloppy, oozy lives into it, but there’s always some spilling out the sides, getting everything sticky,” she wrote. “We have this image of happily ever stuck in our heads,” and too often it just gets in the way.

If people want their marriages to weather the natural storms that come with any committed relationship, overcoming those obstacles are an important starting point. It may not always be easy, but according to Fridkis the outcome is rewarding.

 

Men can make their marriage by adhering to the original design for marriage which includes the husband as a servant to god, a good steward over the resources that God provides, and following god’s instructions.

 

The Servant Husband

According to Genesis 2:15, God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to be a servant. The Bible has a great deal to say about servanthood because the central theme of the Bible is the Servant of all—Jesus Christ. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). When we give Jesus Christ His rightful place as Lord of our lives, His lordship will be expressed in the way we serve others (Mark 9:35; 1 Peter 4:10; John 15:12-13).

 

A Servant is:

 

  • Thankful (Romans 1:8)
  • Prayerful (Romans 1:9)
  • Submitted (Romans 1:10)
  • Giving (Roans 1:11)
  • Humble (Romans 1:12)

The Good Steward

A steward is one who has been given the responsibility to manage or care for someone or something. He’s not the owner. The steward is simply the caretaker. He’s the manager of property belonging to another. As a result, the steward is accountable to the actual owner.

The Bible says that God is the owner of everything and that he gives humanity a stewardship to care for and manage his gifts. Our lives are to be comprehensively God-Centered. God owns everything. We do not. Everything is ultimately for God, not us.

Walking in Obedience

According to Genesis 2: 16-17, God told Adam what he could and could not do. Following God’s instructions requires obedience.

The Bible has much to say about obedience. In fact, obedience is the essence of the Christian faith. Jesus Himself was “obedient unto death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8). For Christians, the act of taking up our cross and following Him (Matthew 16:24) means obedience. The Bible makes it clear that we show our love for Jesus by obeying Him in all things: “If you love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15). Obedience is defined as “dutifully complying with the commands, orders, or instructions of one in authority.” Using this definition, we see the elements of biblical obedience. “Dutifully” means it is our obligation to obey God, just as Jesus fulfilled His duty to the Father by dying on the cross for our sin. “Commands, orders or instructions” speaks to the Scriptures in which God has clearly outlined His commandments and His will. “One in authority” is God Himself, whose authority is total and unequivocal. For the Christian, obedience means complying with everything God has commanded because it is our duty to do so. Having said that, it is important to understand that it is the spirit of obedience, not the act of obedience, that is important. The Pharisees relentlessly pursued acts of obedience to the law and by doing so became self-righteous, believing that they deserved to go to heaven by what they had done. Heaven, to them, was a reward owed to them for their good deeds, but the Bible tells us that, to God, all our righteous works are as “filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6). The obedience that was lacking in the Pharisees was brought to light by Jesus, who exposed their heart attitude. Their hypocrisy in obeying the “letter of the law,” but not the spirit of it, characterized their lives, and Jesus rebuked them sharply for it: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which indeed appear beautiful outside, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness. Even so you also appear righteous to men outwardly, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and iniquity” (Matthew 23:27-28).

If we love God, we will obey Him, not always and not perfectly, but our desire is to obey Him and our lives give evidence of that desire. When we love God and obey Him, we naturally have love for one another. Obedience is commanded by God, not only because it glorifies Him when we obey, but because it is the best for us. Obedience brings joy, comfort and peace in a world where such things are hard to find, mainly due to disobedience and rejection of God and His Word.

Husbands who desire to make their marriage work will willfully follow God’s original design for marriage by becoming as servant, a good steward, and obeying God.

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First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage – Years Later

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three        Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 

Derrick and Sheila

 

How can couples make their marriage work?

In a recent article, a local columnist outlines five reasons that marriage does not work. The reasons that the columnist provide does not address the foundational marriage problems that can lead to divorce. Making a marriage work requires that couples embrace the original design for marriage as outlined in the Holy Bible.

In the article, the columnist outlines five reasons why marriage does not work which includes:

  1. Sex becomes almost non-existent
  2. Finances cripple us.
  3. We’re more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time
  4. Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved
  5. Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you

The columnist has made a grievous in error in assuming that marriage is for the individuals. According to the original purpose of marriage, marriage is for the glorification of God and not the glorification of the man or woman.

Original Purpose of Marriage

The first example of a marriage is between Adam and Eve. God gave Adam certain responsibilities, which required certain leadership principles. When these leadership principles do not operate as God originally designed then the marriage is dysfunctional.

Genesis 2:7, records that …”the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul”. God placed the man He created in the Garden of Eden. Then God created a habitable environment for him, which included trees that were pleasant to the sight and good for food. God placed the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the Garden of Eden too. Eden also had a river that divided into four parts. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden “… to dress it and to keep it” (Genesis 2:15).

Dressing and keeping the Garden of Eden was Adams original purpose. The word ‘dress’ in the Hebrew is ‘abad, which means to work as a servant. The word ‘keep’ in the Hebrew is shamar, which means to protect. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to work as a servant in the garden and to protect the garden. Protecting the garden required that Adam become the steward of the garden. God granted Adam stewardship over the Garden of Eden.

God provided Adam with the path that he was to follow (Genesis 2:16 – 17). God instructed Adam on what he could and could not do. At that point and time, Adam maintained his relationship with God by obeying his commands.

God decided to provide Adam with a helper. Genesis 2:18 records …”The Lord God said , It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet”. That word ‘meet’ in the Hebrew is ‘ezer. Ezer means to help. Eve’s primary responsibility was to help Adam who was to work as a servant and to protect the Garden of Eden. The original purpose for the union between Adam and Eve was to work together as a team to serve and protect the Garden of Eden. Hence, the original purpose for the marriage between a man and a woman is to serve and protect the resources that God gives to the husband and wife through teamwork. The key for the husband is to become a servant of God so that God will provide resources for the husband to protect which will enable the wife to help with the purpose that God gives to the husband.

Sex in a Marriage

The original design for marriage does not involved glorifying God and sex was to be used as a vehicle for procreation. God provides a hint of the first purpose for sex in Genesis 1:27 where he created both male and female. He continues in verse 28 by commanding men and women to “Be fruitful and multiply”. This pattern of procreation would have continued to create servants for God but was interrupted by sin.

Finances in a Marriage

Finances in a marriage become a problem when the husband does not exhibit the characteristics of a good steward. As good stewards, we are instructed to give God a tithe of all of our increase. According to Malachi 3:8-12 there are blessings for brining the tithe and consequences for not following those instructions. It does not mean that we will not have challenges, but because God is faithful and not a liar, bringing the tithe will rebuke financial problems in the marriage.

Disconnectedness in a Marriage

The original purpose of marriage enables couples to remain connected due to working together as a team. Husbands and wives who do not serve God in the husbands are of servitude are bound to become disconnected because they have avoided the original purpose of marriage.

Marriage Focus

According to the original purpose of marriage, the original focus is on serving God in the area that God has ordained the husband to serve. Any deviation from that purpose is going to cause marriage problems which could result in divorce.

Outside Intruders

Marriage will always experience some type of attack from outside instructions which include social media. We find the first intrusion to marriage, when Adam was attacked in the area of obedience. According to the original design of marriage, Adam – the husband – is responsible for following God’s instructions. When the husband is obedient to God, outside intrusions will have no impact on the marriage.

The only reason that marriage are not working today is because it has deviated from the original design for marriage.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

 

 

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Samaritan Baptist Church

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El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 

 

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