How can couples avoid the 7 year itch?

Couples continue to face many challenges which could include the 7 year itch. Marriage involves a man and woman loving each other and embracing a lifelong commitment for their entire lives. Couples can eliminate the effect of the 7 year itch by developing marital processes that ensure they remain focused on their love for God and each other. 

According to the article, How to combat the proven 7-year-itch Relationship Roadblock, it is believed that the 7 year itch is causing many marriages to have challenges. “Widely studied by psychologists and love experts, the notion that marriages hit a rough spot around year seven has been supported and disputed. Some say the time when a marriage is more likely to fail is more like three or four years in. Others, such as a recent OnePoll study commissioned by Pure Romance and shared with Verily, in which a thousand Americans who had be married an average of twenty years and at lest five years old, found that year seven was the worst.” 

The article emphasizes that couples protect their marriage from the 7 year itch by:

1.  Enhancing Communication

2.  Minimizing the impact of fighting 

3.  Learn to talk about the hard subjects

4.  Seek counseling

The suggestions offered to avoid the seven year itch do not respond to the root causes that will contribute to the 7-year itch.

Enhancing communication to avoid the 7-year-itch requires several strategies. The first mistake is that before couples stop communicating, they stop touching each other. As a matter of fact, when couples become angry with each other the first thing that happens is that they stop touching. The husband and wife must make a concerted effort to ensue that when and if they become angry with each other that they will continue to touch each other physically. One way to accomplish this task is to utilized The Luveuphoria Formula and husbands can use the 10 Luveuphoria Challenge.

Ephesians 4:26 – 27 instructs individuals not to allow the sun go down on their anger. This is a primary mistake for many people which includes couples who desire to avoid the 7 year itch.

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil (Ephesians 4:26,27).

One way to avoid this challenge is to utilize a conflict reflection tool. Couples can use the conflict reflection tool as follows:

  1. After the couple has had their disagreement, they need to retreat to a quiet space.
  2. Take a blank piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of the paper.
  3. On the right side, write down what was said by each person during the disagreement.
  4. Then on the left side, write down what you were thinking when each statement was made.
  5. Next, you want to circle the turning point of the argument. This is the point where you had an opportunity to ensure that the conversation remained positive. This is called the inflection point.
  6. Once you have determined the inflection point of the argument develop a strategy to ensure that the next disagreement regarding this challenge does not become an argument.

Another process that couples can use to avoid the 7 year itch instead of just talking about hard subjects is to develop a shared vision and a strategic plan for their family. A shared vision is a mental vision of the marriage that the couple will agree on. It will provide the energy and focus needed for the husband and wife to begin the learning process for the development of their strategic plan.

Developing a strategic will provide couples an opportunity to discuss their goals and have discussions with the travesties associated with a dysfunctional organization such as a marriage that is enraged by the 7 year itch.

Related Articles

Has your marriage hit the seven-year itch? Here’s how to survive it

Bored of your beloved? Blame it on the seven-year itch phenomenon

Seven-year itch really DOES make a divorce more likely: Professor says the statistics back up the superstition 

 

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

 All Three     Advanced     Husband Leadership Book     luveuphoria-app-for-facebook-png

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 Derrick and Sheila

 

How can wives save their marriage?

A recent article provides a wife advice that could devastate their marriage and lead to a divorce. Divorce should not be an option when infidelity is not involved. Wives  can save their marriage by taking their rightful place as outlined in the original design of marriage.

According to the article, Advice for the Modern Man: Can I Still Save My Marriage, the wife has several complaints regarding her marriage. This wife complains that she initialized several efforts to save her marriage. She has had several conversations with her husband in which he agrees to help save their marriage. She has even attempted to withdraw from the wedding, but her then fiancé told her that things would get better. She also stated that her husband is neither physically nor emotionally abusive.

The article author believes that the husband is negligent and the wife should use her existence in the marriage as a tool to enhance her husband’s behavior. “The time for generalities and hollow threats is over. It’s about action now. And if, for whatever reason, he still won’t get off the sectional, you have to be willing to walk away”, says the author.

The advice provided by this author is treacherous on several fronts. First, since the husband has not committed any acts associated with infidelity, she has no grounds to leave her husband. The Holy Scriptures are very clear in the area of infidelity (Matthew 5:32 &1 Corinthians 7:10 – 7:11)

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery (Matthew 5:32).

And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife  (1 Corinthians 7:10 – 7:11).

Secondly, the author should address the husband’s behavior for embracing the sectional. The husband either does not work and the sectional has become a place of comfort. Or he works very hard and uses the sectional as a device of refuge. In either case, this husband has missed the purpose of his marriage which is outlined in the original design of marriage.

Instead on complaining and exhibiting self-centered behaviors, the wife needs to exhibit behaviors associated with her role in the original design of marriage. The wife can find her original role in Genesis 2:18. In this verse, she is to help the husband with his God ordained purpose. But according to the article, she wants to be the center of the marriage. She not only wants to place herself above the needs of her husband, but she wants to place herself above God.

There are several women in the bible who decided to put themselves above their husband which resulted in devastation for the wife. One example is Queen Vashti.

In the Book of Esther, Queen Vashti is the wife of King Ahasuerus. While her husband was holding a banquet for his princes, nobles and servants, Vashti was holding a separate banquet for the women. On the seventh day of the banquet, the king ordered his seven chamberlains to summon Vashti to come before him and his guests wearing only her royal crown, in order to display her beauty. Queen Vashti refused to come, and the king became angry. He asked his advisers how the queen should be punished for her disobedience. His adviser Memucan told him that Vashti has wronged not only the king, but also all of the husbands of Persia, whose wives may be encouraged by Vashti’s act of disobedience. Memucan encouraged King Ahasuerus to dismiss Queen Vashti and find another queen. King Ahasuerus took Memucan’s advice, and sent letters to all of the provinces that men should dominate in their households. Ahasuerus subsequently chooses Esther as his queen to replaced former Queen Vashti.

Instead of taking advice that can result in a divorce, wives can take their rightful place in their marriage by becoming the intimate team player. This is their position according to the original design of marriage. In this way, they will work together as a team and therefore avoid the atrocities associated with divorce by positioning their marriage to prosper.

Related Articles

Kicked in the nuptials: Advice for an Alaska marriage

I Don’t Want To Be The Breadwinner In My Marriage Anymore!

Ask Amy: Marriage on the rocks needs quick help

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

 All Three     Advanced     Husband Leadership Book     high-res-png     luveuphoria-app-for-facebook-png

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 Derrick and Sheila

 

How can couples bulletproof their marriage?

In a recent article, several authors believe that the best way to bulletproof a marriage is to treat it like a business. Marriage is a sacred institution. Marriage should not be treated like a business. This also implies that a successful marriage is dependent on the economical system of the country. Couples can only bulletproof their marriage by replicating the characteristics associated with the original design of marriage (Ordermige).

According to the article, Couples learn how to bulletproof their marriage and invest in a life-long relationship, counselors Renato and Cardoso have created a guide for helping singles and couples. “The co-authors state that marriage is like a business and that problems should be approached as they would in a company, seeking a win-win situation for everyone. If one loses, both lose. So remember the company’s goals, the team, not just the individual. Similar to a company, propose a solution that addresses the cause of the problem. Having identified the challenge, couples are guided on how to agree a plan of action, define who will do what and test it to see if it offers a practical solution.” Treating a marriage like a business is problematic because it does not guide couples to replicate the original design of marriage.

The original design of marriage has three primary components. The fist component that is found in Genesis 2:16 which provides an insight on what preparation and characteristics will qualify a man to be a husband. The perspective husband must be a servant and a good steward over the resources that God has provided.

A servant is a person who obedient and faithful to God – The Father of Jesus Christ.(Joshua 1:2; 2 Kings 8:19; Daniel 6:20; Colossians 4:12; 2 Timothy 2:24). Our great almighty God Jesus Christ was a servant too. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). Jesus Christ servanthood attitude was exemplified according to Philippians 2:6-7.

“Who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, taking the form of a servant” (Philippians 2:6-7).

A servant will also have a relationship with Jesus Christ. He will dedicate himself to his calling. He will be a great steward over the resources that God has provided. Daniel provides an example of a good steward. Like many of us, Daniel was a steward in a foreign land. Whatever God entrust us with, whether it is gifts of ability, intellect, possessions, position, or financial prosperity, he places those gifting into our lives to bless others, and to further God’s purposes. Daniel and his friends Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, who are better, know as Shadrach, Meschach and Abendego, found themselves as captives who were temporarily living in Babylon. As stewards, they choose to live a modest life style (Daniel 1:3-30).

  • Daniel used his gifts to glorify God (Daniel 2: 1-47).
  • Daniel risked his life to save pagan magicians form the king’s wrath (Daniel 2:24).
  • Daniel used his position and power to bless others (Daniel 2:48-49).
  • Daniel and his friends responded to the king with respect after proving that God was greater than the king’s god (Daniel 3:1-30).
  • Daniel recognized that his gifts were to not for self-indulgence but to bring about God’s purposes (Daniel 5:13-23).

The second component for the original design of marriage which will help couples to bulletproof their marriage is found in Genesis 2:16-17. God gave Adam instruction on what he could and could not do. One area that many men and woman have challenges with is pre-marital sex. Even though there is no specific prohibition in the Bible against sex between an unmarried man and unmarried woman. However, “sexual immorality” is denounced in about 25 passages in the New Testament. The word translated as “sexual immorality” or “fornication” in English versions of the Bible is the Greek word porneia, which means “illicit sexual intercourse.”

The third component that will help couples to bulletproof their marriage is found in Genesis 2:18. This is the area that the authors are directing couples to concentrate on without considering the original design of marriage. In this phase couples are to work together as a team. They are to have a primary focus on where God has called the man to serve. It does not minimize the Spiritual Gifts endowed to the wife, but it highlights the couples calling on their lives which is the only way for couples to bulletproof their marriage.

Related Articles

Bulletproof Marriage sponsors bridal gown at the Wedding Expo

What a Marriage Therapist Really Thinks

The Military’s Problem With Marriage

In Christ,

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 4707

Cherry Hill, NJ 08003

(856) 566-3267

www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three          Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

Divorce Advice of the Year

In a recent article, an author provides a recent divorcee divorce advice. The advice provided centers around the next steps that the divorcee can take to recover. The author has made a tremendous mistake in not providing the details of the only reasons that a person can get a divorce.

The recent divorcee provides the following scenario: My husband of 17 years decided to leave the kids and I for a woman he met during the marriage and moved to another state. It was a complete shock as he was away on a trip and when I called said he was not coming home.

He immediately moved in with her and abandoned the kids and me. After about a year and a half later the divorce is final, but I am still left confused and angry. He is now living his dream life, lots of free time, money, no responsibilities and a person who loves him. Meanwhile I am left as a single mom alone and struggling every day.

I am unable to date because I am left with a deep mistrust of men. I want to go out and get the life I want, but I don’t have any idea what that is. I had the life I wanted, and it has been stolen from me. I want to be a happy person for the kids’ sake as it is not good for them to see me depressed and sad all the time.

The holidays are especially hard and to be honest I would rather not celebrate at all, just lock the door and stay in bed. Seeing other people and their perfect lives is so difficult, it is hard to fake it all the time that you are ok. I feel lost and hopeless.

The author provided divorce advice in the areas of how to respond to the holidays, the divorcee, and the husband without ascertaining the cause.

I recently ran across a bible verse that may have provided the husband with the fuel to move away from home. According to Proverbs 25:24, “It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.” In the Hebrew, the word dwell is yashab. This word means to sit down, to dwell, to remain, to settle, or to marry. The word brawling in the Hebrew is madown. This word means to contest or quarrel. The word wide in the Hebrew is cheber. This word means society. Proverbs 25:24, does not provide divorce advice, but it provides the possible prelude to divorce which is communication problems. It may serve her well to evaluate when the couple had the communication breakdown.

The final divorce advice that should be provided is a future husband. While we live in a society that believes that it is ok to remarry, there are only two concrete biblical reasons for divorce. The first reason is adultery. According to Infidelity.com, 57% of American men and 54% of American women admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they have been in.  The same site reports that 53% of American marriages end in divorce and that 74% of men and 68% of women says they would have an affair if they knew they would never be caught. Even though these statistics are depressing, the best divorce advice is not to commit adultery.

In the Old Testament, God declared adultery to be a sin that deserved death. According to Exodus 20:14,“You shall not commit adultery”. The penalty for adultery is found in Leviticus 20:10 and Deuteronomy 22:22. “If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death” (Leviticus 20:10; cf. Deuteronomy 22:22).

The final reason that a person can remarry is if the spouse dies. The best divorce advice that should be provided is not to become an adulterer or adulteress.

Related Articles

Talk of long-ago divorce can bring present-day pain

The Most Important Marriage Lesson My Dad Taught Me After My Divorce

7 tips for parents going through a divorce

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three Advanced

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila