What makes a good wife?

For centuries the definition of a good wife continues to transform. In biblical and in modern times the evolution of the role of a women has a defining impact on this definition. In order to establish what makes a good wife we must evaluate the primary role before the evolution of the wife.

We find the first mention of a good wife in Genesis 2:18. According to the Holy bible, Eve was the first woman created for the man – Adam.

And the LORD God said: ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him (Genesis 2:18).

It meant that Adam was elevated to the team leader and Eve was elevated to be his primary team player.

What are the characteristics of a team player that would make a good wife?

Before we provide the definition of a team player we must entertain the thought of a team. A team is a group organized to work together for a common goal or project. A team player is a person who does his/her best to do his part in cooperation with the other members of the team. A team player does not seek to be a one-person show, but works together with his/her teammates and relies on their skills and abilities as he/she seeks to use his/her abilities and gifts in a cooperative way.

Other team player characteristics include:

  1. Humility – Godly humility is a wife who is comfortable with who she is and will therefore put her husband first. A wife cannot exhibit humility without exhibiting submissiveness.
  2. Submission – A wife’s submission to her husband is in response to her love and devotion to the Lord first. She submits to the Lord out of a humble and grateful heart, not because she is a slave, but a servant. Likewise, biblical submission in marriage is servanthood, not enslavement. A godly wife is motivated to submit to her husband, not out of fear, self-interest, or self-protection, but out of love ( 1 Peter 3:6 ).
  3. Prayerfulness – Results from a deep concern for God and the beliefs associated with Christianity.
  4. Dependability – Involves constant reliability and trustworthiness. Trustworthiness includes: (a) A spiritual commitment to God’s way of life, successfully resisting human nature and temptation. (b) Taking financial responsibility to live within one’s means, avoiding unnecessary debt, managing necessary debt and working together to decide the family’s financial issues. (c) A personal commitment to what is best for his or her spouse. (Your spouse makes you feel safe and secure. He or she accomplishes this through countless gestures, large and small, conveying respect, kindness and gentleness. This will help the husband to continue in his commitments and build trust between him and his wife.
  5. Holiness – A separation from the world and a consecration to God with a focus on ethical and moral values found in the Holy Scriptures. Jesus Christ is our perfect example of holiness. As God He is the Word of God but as a man He relied on the Word of God in every situation. His reliance on the Word of God made Him to have the mind of God. Through His reliance on the Word of God He loved what God loved and hated what God hated. Jesus lived a holy life according to the will of God because He valued and nurtured a relationship with God through His life of prayer. Jesus Christ was so intimate with God that He depended on His Spirit to lead and guide Him. He did not do anything apart from the Holy Spirit that was given to Him “without measure” (John 3:34). Holiness, as the word implies, is the work of the Holy Spirit. It means to be like minded with God and set apart for His service.
  6. Integrity – Biblical integrity is not just doing the right thing; it includes having the right heart and allowing the person you are on the inside to match the person you are on the outside. It also requires an individual to be consistent with their integrity behaviors.

Following these characteristics are that the a good wife works with her husband for a common goal. She will do her best to cooperate with her husband with the skills that God has given her. She will not seek to circumvent her husbands calling and decide to do her own thing rather than working in a cooperative way with her husband.

Herein lies the problem for most marriages. Many wives have not had an opportunity to benefit from the development involved in teamwork. Young male youth’s are indoctrinated into the teamwork concept through participation in sports. And only recently have young females had the opportunities to become groomed into the team building process. It still remains that their participation in sports is limited. Husbands must take an active role in developing their wives to become better team players.

The husband must begin with determining his God given purpose. If at all possible, the perspective husband should make this determination before selecting a wife. The husband can determine his God given purpose by evaluating his Spiritual Gift(s) and making a connection to his past experiences for the direction of his calling. After the husband has determined his God given purpose, it is a mistake to attempt to force this vision upon their wife. The husband must insist that the wife use the same process to determine her God ordained purpose. After this, make comparisons of the two separate visions and develop steps for including the wife in your God ordained vision. The road will become tough at times, but through faith, God will deliver the both of you into the purpose that He has ordained for your marriage.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

 – Husband Leadership Principles

               

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 

 

 

 

How should a husband interact with the in-laws?

In a recent article, an author proposes four solutions to ending the potential battle between the husband and the in-laws. The husband is the leader of the family and must consider the overall impact of his decisions. Husband’s will better serve their family by ensuring that an effective plan is developed for interacting with the in-laws.

According to the article, A Husband’s Guide to Dealing with the In-laws, there are four questions that a husband needs to respond to in order to have a better relationship with the in-laws. The first consideration involves the wife. Since the wife comes first, the husband must consider:

  • What serves her best as you think about her parents?
  • Does she need protection or distance from an abusive father?
  • Does she long for closer connection with her mom?
  • Does she flourish when she’s back home for the holidays?
  • Rather than thinking about your own interests and agenda first, what serves your wife’s needs and desires the best?

The second consideration involves the husband’s family. The husband should consider his wife, his marriage, and his kids. The husband can consider his family through by entertaining the following questions:

  • Do your kids prosper around their grandparents?
  • Is there something unique happening in the life of your family that means it is best not to have more stress in your household for a season?

The third consideration involves the in-laws. The husband should consider the following questions:

  • Is what you want to say for their benefit or is it just to vent your frustration?
  • Have you considered the ways your family might be able to bless them with access to your household?
  • Are there ways your wife legitimately needs to care for the needs of her aging parents?
  • If you have kids of your own, one day you are likely to be the in-law parents. How would you like to be treated when the time comes?

The final consideration for the in-laws involves the husband himself. The husband should consider the following questions:

  • What serves your needs?
  • Is it hugely draining for you to be around your in-laws?
  • Have you spent every vacation for the last ten years with her family, and now it’s time to try something different?
  • Are you trying to encourage a healthy relationship that moves beyond familiar passive-aggressive dynamics?

The problem with the advice provided by All Pro Dad is that it does not follow the original design of marriage (Ordermige). There are three phases to the original design of marriage. In the second phase, Adam was instructed by God on what he could and could not do.

God has left the husband two instructions that are prominent in how he interacts with his in-laws. The first instruction in found in (Genesis 2:24). According to this instruction, a husband is to forsake his mother and father for the sake of his wife. He and his wife are to become one flesh together. No father or mother from either side should be able to come between them. What also happens is that the two families become joined together. The husband’s parents become the parents of the wife and the wife’s parents become the parents of the husband.

The bible has left a very specific instructions for parents in Exodus 20:12.

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee (Exodus 20:12).

The word honour in the Hebrew means to make numerous, rich, honorable. According to the law of first mention, the first time that this word honour is mentioned in the bible is in Genesis 13:2. The verse indicates that Abraham was rich. According to the scriptures, the husband should work with his wife to develop a plan that enhances the lives of his in-laws.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three          Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

 

 

How can husbands make their marriage work?

According to a recent article, making a marriage work involves implementing strategies that are exclusive of the original design for marriage. Husbands are the primary cornerstone for a happy relationship between a man and a woman. Husbands can make their marriage work by placing a premium on the original design for marriage.

 

According to the article, for those who are married, the reality that relationships are hard can be tough to navigate as well. Just as not everyone chooses to get married, there are those who choose to commit to a life-long relationship, despite the difficulties that will inevitably come.

Making marriage satisfying, especially when one is committed to making it work, can often be a frustrating struggle. But it doesn’t always have to be that way, or at least not as daunting as some make it out to be. Just as Bolick seeks to ease the burden of women in the single life, there are those who think making marriage work can be easier than many believe.

The American Conservative’s Eve Tushnet, for example, believes marriage should be a joint effort not only between spouses, but among friends.

“No marriage is an island,” she wrote last week. “Two people can’t always lift a marriage on their own shoulders,” which is why friends and family can be such an important part of any couple’s journey.

Constantly re-evaluating one’s perspective is another important part of making a marriage work. In an article for Psychology Today, Kate Fridkis cited the common problem of simply having unrealistic expectations as a real threat to happy marriages.

“The problem is that we have this mold in the shape of a fairytale, and we’re all trying to cram our sloppy, oozy lives into it, but there’s always some spilling out the sides, getting everything sticky,” she wrote. “We have this image of happily ever stuck in our heads,” and too often it just gets in the way.

If people want their marriages to weather the natural storms that come with any committed relationship, overcoming those obstacles are an important starting point. It may not always be easy, but according to Fridkis the outcome is rewarding.

 

Men can make their marriage by adhering to the original design for marriage which includes the husband as a servant to god, a good steward over the resources that God provides, and following god’s instructions.

 

The Servant Husband

According to Genesis 2:15, God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to be a servant. The Bible has a great deal to say about servanthood because the central theme of the Bible is the Servant of all—Jesus Christ. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). When we give Jesus Christ His rightful place as Lord of our lives, His lordship will be expressed in the way we serve others (Mark 9:35; 1 Peter 4:10; John 15:12-13).

 

A Servant is:

 

  • Thankful (Romans 1:8)
  • Prayerful (Romans 1:9)
  • Submitted (Romans 1:10)
  • Giving (Roans 1:11)
  • Humble (Romans 1:12)

The Good Steward

A steward is one who has been given the responsibility to manage or care for someone or something. He’s not the owner. The steward is simply the caretaker. He’s the manager of property belonging to another. As a result, the steward is accountable to the actual owner.

The Bible says that God is the owner of everything and that he gives humanity a stewardship to care for and manage his gifts. Our lives are to be comprehensively God-Centered. God owns everything. We do not. Everything is ultimately for God, not us.

Walking in Obedience

According to Genesis 2: 16-17, God told Adam what he could and could not do. Following God’s instructions requires obedience.

The Bible has much to say about obedience. In fact, obedience is the essence of the Christian faith. Jesus Himself was “obedient unto death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8). For Christians, the act of taking up our cross and following Him (Matthew 16:24) means obedience. The Bible makes it clear that we show our love for Jesus by obeying Him in all things: “If you love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15). Obedience is defined as “dutifully complying with the commands, orders, or instructions of one in authority.” Using this definition, we see the elements of biblical obedience. “Dutifully” means it is our obligation to obey God, just as Jesus fulfilled His duty to the Father by dying on the cross for our sin. “Commands, orders or instructions” speaks to the Scriptures in which God has clearly outlined His commandments and His will. “One in authority” is God Himself, whose authority is total and unequivocal. For the Christian, obedience means complying with everything God has commanded because it is our duty to do so. Having said that, it is important to understand that it is the spirit of obedience, not the act of obedience, that is important. The Pharisees relentlessly pursued acts of obedience to the law and by doing so became self-righteous, believing that they deserved to go to heaven by what they had done. Heaven, to them, was a reward owed to them for their good deeds, but the Bible tells us that, to God, all our righteous works are as “filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6). The obedience that was lacking in the Pharisees was brought to light by Jesus, who exposed their heart attitude. Their hypocrisy in obeying the “letter of the law,” but not the spirit of it, characterized their lives, and Jesus rebuked them sharply for it: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which indeed appear beautiful outside, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness. Even so you also appear righteous to men outwardly, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and iniquity” (Matthew 23:27-28).

If we love God, we will obey Him, not always and not perfectly, but our desire is to obey Him and our lives give evidence of that desire. When we love God and obey Him, we naturally have love for one another. Obedience is commanded by God, not only because it glorifies Him when we obey, but because it is the best for us. Obedience brings joy, comfort and peace in a world where such things are hard to find, mainly due to disobedience and rejection of God and His Word.

Husbands who desire to make their marriage work will willfully follow God’s original design for marriage by becoming as servant, a good steward, and obeying God.

Related Articles

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three        Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 

Derrick and Sheila

 

Why is submission in a marriage a powerful tool for wives?

In a recent article, the marriage roles of a pastor husband and his wife are met with challenges and opposition. The wife displays her discontent with the husband’s controlling behavior by demanding her “freedom”. If the wife was aware of her power that she posses through submission, she would enhance the overall quality of her marriage.

 

The husband is a pastor who admits to using a tracking device on his wife’s cell phone, asking her to be put on speaker, and always wanting to know where she is going. His wife responds by stating, “I’m fed up with the way that Jason treats me. I’ve been taught that I need to submit; submitting means Hubby is always right,” … “I am tired of being controlled. I am ready to be my own person.”

 

The pastor acknowledges that he has some questionable behavior. “I can be a jerk. I can be controlling and manipulative. I want to know what’s happening, when it’s happening, why it’s happening. There have been times I’ve been verbally abusive,” he says. He also says that he’s punched a wall out of anger and has pushed his wife out of the way to get to their bedroom. “I believe a wife is the weaker vessel, leaning on her husband, who’s supposed to be stronger, that’s just the way God made us.” Jason continues, “I want her to be her own person. It’s important that Sarah has an independent nature with a submissive characteristic.

Wives have the ability to enhance their marriages through submission to their husband. Ephesians 5:22 states, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”. The book of Ephesians is written as a guide to overcome spiritual warfare. In all marriages there is a spiritual war against the family. We find that the spiritual war began in the book of Genesis.

We also find in the book of Ester the power that a wife possesses when she submits to her husband. The story of Ester actually begins with queen Vasti. Queen Vasti was a beautiful queen of Ahasuerus, who was deposed from her royal dignity because she refused to obey the king when he desired her to appear in the banqueting hall of Shushan the palace (Ester 1:10-12). The king banished queen Visti from his kingdom and sought a new wife.

After king Ahasuerus divorced queen Vashti, he chose Esther to be his wife. Shortly thereafter he gave Haman the Agagite, his prime minister, power and authority to kill all the Jews throughout the Persian empire. By queen Esther’s intervention this catastrophe was averted. Haman was hanged on the gallows he had intended for Mordecai (Esth 7); and the Jews established an annual feast, the feast of Purim, in memory of their deliverance.

The submission for queen Esther came in hoe she approached the king. According to Esther 5: 1-2, On the third day, Esther dressed up in her royal clothing and stood in the inner courtyard of the palace facing it. The king was sitting on his royal throne in the royal courtroom, facing its entrance.  As soon as the king saw Queen Esther standing in the courtyard, she won his approval. The king extended the gold scepter in his hand toward Esther, and she approached and touched the tip of the scepter.

One of the major rules that the king had was that you were not allowed to approach him without his permission. If Esther had not submitted to her husbands rule of how to approach him she would have never saved her people.

While many wives do not desire to adhere to the rules outlined by their husbands, submission in the marriage endows the wife with power that can overcome any spiritual battle.

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Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three     Advanced

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila