What makes a good wife?

For centuries the definition of a good wife continues to transform. In biblical and in modern times the evolution of the role of a women has a defining impact on this definition. In order to establish what makes a good wife we must evaluate the primary role before the evolution of the wife.

We find the first mention of a good wife in Genesis 2:18. According to the Holy bible, Eve was the first woman created for the man – Adam.

And the LORD God said: ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him (Genesis 2:18).

It meant that Adam was elevated to the team leader and Eve was elevated to be his primary team player.

What are the characteristics of a team player that would make a good wife?

Before we provide the definition of a team player we must entertain the thought of a team. A team is a group organized to work together for a common goal or project. A team player is a person who does his/her best to do his part in cooperation with the other members of the team. A team player does not seek to be a one-person show, but works together with his/her teammates and relies on their skills and abilities as he/she seeks to use his/her abilities and gifts in a cooperative way.

Other team player characteristics include:

  1. Humility – Godly humility is a wife who is comfortable with who she is and will therefore put her husband first. A wife cannot exhibit humility without exhibiting submissiveness.
  2. Submission – A wife’s submission to her husband is in response to her love and devotion to the Lord first. She submits to the Lord out of a humble and grateful heart, not because she is a slave, but a servant. Likewise, biblical submission in marriage is servanthood, not enslavement. A godly wife is motivated to submit to her husband, not out of fear, self-interest, or self-protection, but out of love ( 1 Peter 3:6 ).
  3. Prayerfulness – Results from a deep concern for God and the beliefs associated with Christianity.
  4. Dependability – Involves constant reliability and trustworthiness. Trustworthiness includes: (a) A spiritual commitment to God’s way of life, successfully resisting human nature and temptation. (b) Taking financial responsibility to live within one’s means, avoiding unnecessary debt, managing necessary debt and working together to decide the family’s financial issues. (c) A personal commitment to what is best for his or her spouse. (Your spouse makes you feel safe and secure. He or she accomplishes this through countless gestures, large and small, conveying respect, kindness and gentleness. This will help the husband to continue in his commitments and build trust between him and his wife.
  5. Holiness – A separation from the world and a consecration to God with a focus on ethical and moral values found in the Holy Scriptures. Jesus Christ is our perfect example of holiness. As God He is the Word of God but as a man He relied on the Word of God in every situation. His reliance on the Word of God made Him to have the mind of God. Through His reliance on the Word of God He loved what God loved and hated what God hated. Jesus lived a holy life according to the will of God because He valued and nurtured a relationship with God through His life of prayer. Jesus Christ was so intimate with God that He depended on His Spirit to lead and guide Him. He did not do anything apart from the Holy Spirit that was given to Him “without measure” (John 3:34). Holiness, as the word implies, is the work of the Holy Spirit. It means to be like minded with God and set apart for His service.
  6. Integrity – Biblical integrity is not just doing the right thing; it includes having the right heart and allowing the person you are on the inside to match the person you are on the outside. It also requires an individual to be consistent with their integrity behaviors.

Following these characteristics are that the a good wife works with her husband for a common goal. She will do her best to cooperate with her husband with the skills that God has given her. She will not seek to circumvent her husbands calling and decide to do her own thing rather than working in a cooperative way with her husband.

Herein lies the problem for most marriages. Many wives have not had an opportunity to benefit from the development involved in teamwork. Young male youth’s are indoctrinated into the teamwork concept through participation in sports. And only recently have young females had the opportunities to become groomed into the team building process. It still remains that their participation in sports is limited. Husbands must take an active role in developing their wives to become better team players.

The husband must begin with determining his God given purpose. If at all possible, the perspective husband should make this determination before selecting a wife. The husband can determine his God given purpose by evaluating his Spiritual Gift(s) and making a connection to his past experiences for the direction of his calling. After the husband has determined his God given purpose, it is a mistake to attempt to force this vision upon their wife. The husband must insist that the wife use the same process to determine her God ordained purpose. After this, make comparisons of the two separate visions and develop steps for including the wife in your God ordained vision. The road will become tough at times, but through faith, God will deliver the both of you into the purpose that He has ordained for your marriage.

Related Articles

Everything you need to know about being a good wife

10 Characteristics Of Wife Material

Top 7 Bible Verses About Being A Good Wife

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

 – Husband Leadership Principles

               

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 

 

 

 

What is a major key to a successful marriage?

In a recent article, an author attempts to provide tips for a successful marriage. The marriage tips are absent the necessity of moral character that both the man and the woman need to bring to the marriage. The key to a successful marriage involves a commitment to the original design for marriage.

According to the article, the ten principles for a successful marriage include:

  1. Happiness is not the most important thing.
  2. Couples discover the value in just showing up.
  3. If you do what you always do, you will get same result.
  4. Your attitude does matter.
  5. Change your mind, change your marriage.
  6. The grass is greenest where you water it.
  7. You can change your marriage by changing yourself.
  8. Love is a verb, not just a feeling.
  9. Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears.
  10. A crisis doesn’t mean the marriage is over.

The first problem in many marriages is commitment. Most people who eventually get married have little understanding what it takes to be committed to God. How can a man and woman expect to be committed to one another without knowing how to be committed to God.

What type of commitment to God will develop the necessary characteristics for a successful marriage?

According to Matthew 22:37-38, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment”. Jesus instructs us that our commitment to God should be at the top of our list for daily living. Every part of our lives must be focused on God.

Additionally Jesus tells us that our commitment to Him must supersede our commitment to our families. We know this because Jesus stated that “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after Me cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26-27). Those who cannot make that kind of commitment cannot be His disciple.

According to Acts 6:1-4, “And in those days, when the number of the disciples was multiplied, there arose a murmuring of the Grecians against the Hebrews, because their widows were neglected in the daily ministration. Then the twelve called the multitude of the disciples unto them, and said, It is not reason that we should leave the word of God, and serve tables. Wherefore, brethren, look ye out among you seven men of honest report, full of the Holy Ghost and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business. But we will give ourselves continually to prayer, and to the ministry of the word”, a disciple is a servant and is actively engaged in helping others in practical ways.

According to the original design of marriage, men are called to be servants of God. For men to have a successful marriage, they must have a commitment to serve God. However, many men opt to place a premium of money instead of serving God.

No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon (Matthew 6:24).

Since God’s word is true, there is no way that a man can expect to have a successful marriage unless they choose to serve God first.

According to Genesis 2:18, women are called to help their husbands. The irony is that me are taught to be team players more that men are. We see this evident in the number of opportunities that are offered to boys to play sports. Girls do not have the same opportunities. It is almost a though we are training the men to take on the man’s role by the way that we develop children. A women cannot expect to have a successful marriage unless she learns how to be a team player.

Related Articles

Ten Secrets to a Successful Marriage

A Good Marriage (REVIEW)

Dolly Parton Shares Secrets to a Successful Marriage

In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three     Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 

Derrick and Sheila

 

 

What is the primary reason for marriage failure?

In a recent article, an author describes five reasons for marriage failure. The author has made a critical error by embracing worldly perspectives. The primary reason for marriage failure is due to couples not embracing the original design for marriage.

According to the author, the leading causes of marriage failure (in my experience) are:

If couples decided to embrace the original design for marriage, the above describes causes for marriage failure would be nonexistent.

The first example of a marriage is between Adam and Eve. God gave Adam which provides God’s original design for marriage. Genesis 2:7, records that …”the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul”. God placed the man He created in the Garden of Eden. Then God created a habitable environment for him, which included trees that were pleasant to the sight and good for food. God placed the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the Garden of Eden too. Eden also had a river that divided into four parts. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden “… to dress it and to keep it” (Genesis 2:15).

Dressing and keeping the Garden of Eden was Adams original purpose. The word ‘dress’ in the Hebrew is ‘abad, which means to work as a servant. The word ‘keep’ in the Hebrew is shamar, which means to protect. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to work as a servant in the garden and to protect the garden. Protecting the garden required that Adam become the steward of the garden. God granted Adam stewardship over the Garden of Eden.

God provided Adam with the path that he was to follow (Genesis 2:16 – 17). God instructed Adam on what he could and could not do. At that point and time, Adam maintained his relationship with God by obeying his commands.

God decided to provide Adam with a helper. Genesis 2:18 records …”The Lord God said , It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet”. That word ‘meet’ in the Hebrew is ‘ezer. Ezer means to help. Eve’s primary responsibility was to help Adam who was to work as a servant and to protect the Garden of Eden.

The original purpose for the union between Adam and Eve was to work together as a team to serve and protect the Garden of Eden. Hence, the original purpose for the marriage between a man and a woman is to serve and protect the resources that God gives to the husband and wife through teamwork.

Boredom – If the husband and wife are serving together as a team it is impossible to become bored because they are both working for the same vision which will offset any tendencies that can lead to marriage failure.

Communication – If the husband and wife are serving together as a team it requires extensive communication to ensure the success of their efforts.

Money – If the husband and wife are serving together as a team they will know that as servants of God it is part of their stewardship responsibility to tithe which will offset any tendencies that can lead to marriage failure.

Outside Influences – If the husband and wife are serving together as a team they will have a great focus to please God which will minimize the distractions associated with outside influences.

Tragedy – If the husband and wife are serving together as a team as God has instructed, God will always provide them a way out of any obstacles which will offset any tendencies that can lead to marriage failure.

Related Articles

Review: Author explores failure of her marriage

Tim Howard opens up about Tourette’s, divorce and wanting to be a soccer dad

A failed marriage doesn’t mean you’re a failure

9 Divorce Myths to Stop Believing

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three     Advanced

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

How can couples keep their marriage from ending in divorce?

In a recent article, Reverend D.E. Parkerson authored an article titled ‘The Paper Pulpit” Marriage doesn’t have to end in divorce’. The article provides advice to enhance marriages. The article falls short in providing advice based on the original design for marriage.

To keep a marriage from ending in divorce, Parkerson surmises that:

  1. Marriages are often wrecked by such character failures as dishonesty, unfaithfulness, alcohol, selfishness, and the list goes on and on. When problems are not faced openly and honestly, there is a strong likelihood that the marriage will become progressively worse until it becomes almost unbearable.
  2. If a marriage is to be all that it ought to be and can be, both husband and wife must genuinely listen to each other and support each other as they build a mature home where God is honored.
  3. Solutions to the problems in any marriage are available if both husband and wife will do two very important things: ask for God’s guidance, and demonstrate a willingness to work at it.

Parkerson emphasizes that divorce is a product of character flaws. However, many people take on some of the following Christian qualities and end their marriage in a divorce.

  1. Alertness vs.  Unawareness Being aware of that which is taking place around me so I  can have the right response to it (Mark 14:38)
  2. Attentiveness vs.  Unconcern Showing the worth of a person by giving undivided  attention to his words and emotions (Hebrews 2:1)
  3. Availability vs.  Self-centeredness Making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the  wishes of those I am serving (Philippians 2:20–21)
  4. Boldness vs.  Fearfulness Confidence that what I have to say or do is true and right  and just in the sight of God (Acts 4:29)
  5. Cautiousness vs.  Rashness Knowing how important right timing is in accomplishing  right actions (Proverbs 19:2)
  6. Compassion vs.  Indifference Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of  others (I John 3:17)
  7. Contentment vs.  Covetousness Realizing that God has provided everything I need for my  present happiness (I Timothy 6:8)
  8. Creativity vs.  Underachievement Approaching a need, a task, an idea from a new perspective  (Romans 12:2)
  9. Decisiveness vs.  Double-mindedness The ability to finalize difficult decisions based on the  will and ways of God (James 1:5)
  10. Deference vs.  Rudeness Limiting my freedom in order not offend the tastes of  those whom God has called me to serve (Romans 14:21)
  11. Dependability vs.  Inconsistency Fulfilling what I consented to do even if it means  unexpected sacrifice (Psalm 15:4)
  12. Determination vs.  Faintheartedness Purposing to accomplish God’s goals in God’s time  regardless of the opposition (II Timothy 4:7–8)
  13. Dligence vs.  Slothfulness Visualizing each task as a special assignment from the  Lord and using all my energies to accomplish it (Colossians 3:23)
  14. Discernment vs.  Judgment The God-given ability to understand why things happen (I Samuel 16:7)
  15. Discretion vs.  Simplemindedness The ability to avoid words, actions, and attitudes which  could result in undesirable consequences (Proverbs 22:3)
  16. Endurance vs.  Giving up The inward strength to withstand stress to accomplish  God’s best (Galatians 6:9)
  17. Enthusiasm vs.  Apathy Expressing with my soul the joy of my spirit (I Thessalonians 5:16,19)
  18. Faith vs.  Presumption Visualizing what God intends to do in a given situation  and acting in harmony with it (Hebrews 11:1)
  19. Flexibility vs.  Resistance Not setting my affections on ideas or plans which could be  changed by God or others (Colossians 3:2)
  20. Forgiveness vs.  Rejection Clearing the record of those who have wronged me and  allowing God to love them through me (Ephesians 4:32)
  21. Generosity vs.  Stinginess Realizing that all I have belongs to God and using it for  His purposes (II Corinthians 9:6)
  22. Gentleness vs.  Harshness Showing personal care and concern in meeting the need of  others (I Thessalonians 2:7)
  23. Gratefulness vs.  Unthankfulness Making known to God and others in what ways they have  benefited my life (I Corinthians 4:7)
  24. Hospitality vs.  Loneliness Cheerfully sharing food, shelter, and spiritual  refreshment with those whom God brings into my life (Hebrews 13:2)
  25. Humility vs.  Pride Recognizing that it is actually God and others who are  responsible for the achievements in my life (James 4:6)
  26. Initiative vs.  Unresponsiveness Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I am  asked to do it (Romans 12:21)
  27. Joyfulness vs.  Self-pity The spontaneous enthusiasm of my spirit when my soul is in  fellowship with the Lord (Psalm 16:11)
  28. Justice vs.  Fairness Personal responsibility to God’s unchanging laws (Micah 6:8)
  29. Love vs.  Selfishness Giving to others’ basic needs without having as my motive  personal reward (I Corinthians 13:3)
  30. Loyalty vs.  Unfaithfulness Using difficult times to demonstrate my commitment to God  and to those whom He has called me to serve (John 15:13)
  31. Meekness vs.  Anger Yielding my personal rights and expectations to God (Psalm 62:5)
  32. Obedience vs.  Willfulness Freedom to be creative under the protection of divinely  appointed authority (II Corinthians 10:5)
  33. Orderliness vs.  Disorganization Preparing myself and my surroundings so I will achieve the  greatest efficiency (I Corinthians 14:40)
  34. Patience vs.  Restlessness Accepting a difficult situation from God without giving  Him a deadline to remove it (Romans 5:3–4)
  35. Persuasiveness vs.  Contentiousness Guiding vital truths around another’s mental roadblocks (II Timothy 2:24)
  36. Punctuality vs.  Tardiness Showing high esteem for other people and their time (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
  37. Resourcefulness vs.  Wastefulness Wise use of that which others would normally overlook or  discard (Luke 16:10)
  38. Responsibility vs.  Unreliability Knowing and doing what both God and others are expecting  from me (Romans 14:12)
  39. Reverence vs.  Disrespect Awareness of how God is working through the people and  events in my life to produce the character of Christ in me (Proverbs 23:17–18)
  40. Security vs.  Anxiety Structuring my life around that which is eternal and  cannot be destroyed or taken away (John 6:27)
  41. Self-Control vs.  Self-indulgence Instant obedience to the initial promptings of God’s  Spirit (Galatians 5:24–25)
  42. Sensitivity vs.  Callousness Exercising my senses so I can perceive the true spirit and  emotions of those around me (Romans 12:15)
  43. Sincerity vs.  Hypocrisy Eagerness to do what is right with transparent motives (I Peter 1:22)
  44. Thoroughness vs.  Incompleteness Knowing what factors will diminish the effectiveness of my  work or words if neglected (Proverbs 18:15)
  45. Thriftiness vs.  Extravagance Not letting myself or others spend that which is not  necessary (Luke 16:11)
  46. Tolerance vs.  Prejudice Acceptance of others as unique expressions of specific  character qualities in varying degrees of maturity (Philippians 2:2)
  47. Truthfulness vs.  Deception Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts (Ephesians 4:25)
  48. Virtue vs.  Impurity The moral excellence and purity of spirit that radiate  from my life as I obey God’s Word (II Peter 1:3)
  49. Wisdom vs.  Natural Inclinations Seeing and responding to life’s situations from God’s  frame of reference (Proverbs 9:10)

Parkerson further emphasizes that avoiding divorce requires communication between the husband and wife. Even though couples may use some of the following communication techniques, their marriage finally ends in a divorce.

According to Joshua Duvauchelle, couples can enhance marriage communication by:

  1. If you and your spouse have a disagreement, explain what’s bothering you in a non-accusatory manner. “Use all the restraint you can muster to not say, ‘You never’ or ‘You always,’ ” suggests Sally Landau, a certified life coach. 
  2. But sometimes, discretion is okay. “Everything in your head does not need to be said,” says Stephanie Staples, a motivational speaker and wife of 22 years. “I know you think you will explode, but . . . ask yourself if what you are about to say is going to help or hurt your relationship.” 
  3. Have an attitude of gratitude. “Recent studies . . . reveal that gratitude benefits both the giver and the receiver,” reports Todd Reed, a communication coach and author. “When either of you does something nice for the other – lets you sleep in, washes the dishes when it’s your turn – take a second to show appreciation. Even if you’re just saying thanks for the small stuff, it can go a long way in solidifying your relationship.” 
  4. Use “hot words” when things get heated . “Never respond when you are angry – leave the room or the house if you need to cool off,” advises Elle Swan, an international speaker and life coach. “Establish a ‘hot word’ that each person can use to let the other person know, ‘I am angry and we need to stop talking.’ ” Examples of hot words include “cancel” or “break.” Once you’ve both calmed down, resume the conversation. “The best way to fully understand what your spouse is saying,” she says, “is to ask clarifying questions. A clarifying question always begins with, ‘What I hear you saying is . . . . Is that correct?’” This will give your spouse a chance to either agree or clarify what they meant. “The goal is to always communicate with a calm, level head.”
  5. Express your needs or wants clearly. “You did not marry your clone,” notes Debbie Mandel, a radio host and author of Addicted to Stress. “So, be specific when communicating to your spouse. Do not take for granted that he or she has read your mind or intuits what you want.”

Show how much you love your spouse

  1. Write a love note – the classic way to express yourself, and a practice that has slowly been replaced in our modern times. “In an age of virtual communication,” says Farrah Parker, an interpersonal communications instructor at California State University, “couples may benefit from giving and/or receiving a handwritten note – not an email, not a text message, but an actual pen and paper.” 
  2. Take a class together. “Couples who are not engaged in any joint activities,” says Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, a marriage and family psychotherapist and author, “are living ‘parallel lives’ like young children in parallel play; there is no real connection. Without joint time and activities, intimacy suffers.” The benefits are many. “Learning together alleviates boredom, routine and the doldrums,” she says, “and allows us to see our spouse in a different light. This keeps the creative juices flowing, making a person more interesting. It also allows for new and interesting conversations, whether during the activity and/or after it.” O’Neill specifically recommends taking a cooking class, because the act of making a meal and enjoying it together creates a sense of security and safety in your marriage. 
  3. Go beyond simple “I love you” remarks. “Use character-quality language,” suggests Susanne Alexander, a marriage coach. “When couples say specifically, ‘I love how enthusiastic (or courageous, or caring, or thoughtful . . .) you are,’ it goes right to the heart. Add specifics about what actions were taken and it works like giving gold.” 
  4. Dates – even cheap fast-food ones – are important. “You don’t have to break the bank to enjoy time with your spouse,” says pastor Ryan Dalgliesh, author of Love Notes: A Biblical Look at Love. “Plan a regular night each week that you can call a date night. As a poor preacher, our monthly budget is $100. Once a month, we go to a nicer restaurant. The other three weeks, we hit up Chick-Fil-A or Subway. We just make a point to have time alone. It is always very refreshing.”
  5. But you can even make a date night at home, even with your kids. “Many couples are harried at the end of the day and dinner gets thrown on the table,” says Michael Jonas, who creates conversation-starting board games for couples along with his wife, Barbara. Make a more intimate atmosphere at the dinner table with matching dishware, a sprig of flowers and softer lighting. “These specific things calm the day’s end and invite conversation – even with children, who often learn from what they observe their parents do rather than what their parents say.” 
  6. Make a souvenir that celebrates a special moment that you and your spouse shared. “Find a favourite photograph of the two of you and have it printed on a mouse pad or a large magnet,” says Jason Coleman, author of Discovering Your Amazing Marriage. “I did this almost seven years ago with a photo we took at the beach one summer. At the local office supply store, I found a box of printable magnetic paper. I made a large refrigerator magnet with our picture on it, from our home computer and printer . . . and it’s still on our fridge to this day!”

Finally, Parkerson solving marriage problems by seeking God and demonstrating that you truthfully desire to have a happy marriage.

While I believe that Parkerson’s suggestions, as well as the other authors note in this Blog have some validity, I believe that if the perspective husband and wife understand the original purpose for marriage the can have all of the benefits that God desires.

According Genesis 2:15-18, the original purpose of man is to serve God and to be a good steward over the resources that Goad has provided. The next step is that men must obey God. And finally, the man become the team leader in the area that God has ordained for him to serve.

And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Genesis 2:15-18).

Couples who desire to avoid divorce must follow the principles of the original design of marriage.

Related Articles

How shacking up leads to divorce

Getting divorced without breaking the bank

A Fair and Equitable Divorce — Even During Valentine’s Day

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three     Advanced

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

DSC_5453-(ZF-4806-92502-1-002)

Can couples plan a successful marriage by utilizing marriage counseling services?

In a recent article, the Arkansas Relationship Center recommends planning a successful marriage by utilizing marriage counseling services. Many marriages reach points that can cause divorce. Couples can utilize strategic planning instead of marriage counseling services to ensure a successful marriage.

Men are very hesitant when it comes to marriage counseling services. According to how to Save Your Marriage, some women complain that their husbands do not like to go to marriage counseling.  It is not that they do not want to solve the problem. But they do not want to go to counselor who is a stranger and open up all the private affairs in the married life.  Their ego is hurt when somebody tries to tell that there is something wrong with the marriage. Also, if you are a well known person in the society it will be embarrassing if somebody see you going into a marriage counselor’s office.

Lighted Pathways points out that some beliefs that guys have about marriage counseling services include:

Men reject marriage counseling services because of the way that men are designed. According to Genesis 2:15, men are designed to be servants for God and a steward over the resources that God gives the man.

And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it (Genesis 2:15).

We know that men are servants and stewards because these are the original duties for Adam. Dressing and keeping the Garden of Eden was Adams original purpose. The word ‘dress’ in the Hebrew is ‘abad, which means to work as a servant. The word ‘keep’ in the Hebrew is shamar, which means to protect. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to work as a servant in the garden and to protect the garden. Protecting the garden required that Adam become the steward of the garden.

Servanthood is the state, condition, or quality of one who lives as a servant. Further, a servant is first of all one who is under submission to another. For Christians, this means submission to God first, and then submission to one another. Then, as one in submission, a servant is one who seeks to meet the real needs of others or of the person he is serving. To put it another way, servanthood is the condition or state of being a servant to others, of ministry to others rather than the service of self. It means willingly giving of oneself to minister for and to others and to do whatever it takes to accomplish what is best for another.

Several leaders in the bible served by solving problems. Noah solved the problem of wickedness in the world. Joseph solved the problem of the future famine in his family. Moses solved the problem of slavery for the Israelites. David solved the problem of a giant who sought to utterly destroy the entire Israelite people. Daniel solved the problem of jealous government leaders. Jesus solved the problem of a world going to hell.

When there is a request from the wife to attend marriage counseling services, it is actually an insult. What the wife is saying is that the husband does not have the talent to solve the problems in the marriage.

For husbands who desire to solve their marriage problems begin with developing a family shared vision based on what you and your wife value and not what some therapist or counselor will provide from a global perspective. End with developing a strategic plan.

Your strategic plan should include three goals that you and your wife agree on in the following areas:

  • Spiritual
  • Social
  • Family
  • Employment/Work
  • Recreation/Fun
  • Educational
  • Physical
  • Financial

Once the husband and wife have their family strategic plan developed from their family shared vision, they will realize that there is no need for marriage counseling services.

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Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All ThreeAdvanced

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA