How to respond to bad husband marriage advice?

Bad marriage advice has ruined many relationships between a man and woman. Men seek advice to ensure continued happiness in their life and marriage. The problem is that much of the bad marriage advice is associated with individual experiences rather than fundamental principles.

We find bad marriage advice in the article Advice from Dr. Marriage. In this article, a husband complains that “My wife and I get along great and yet she always seems slightly annoyed with me. What’s up with that? Am I doing something wrong?”

Dr. Marriage respond by stating, “first off, of COURSE you’re doing something wrong. You’re a guy. Married to a woman. And women are – and Dr. Marriage is not even kidding when he says this – superior in every way to men. Therefore, by definition, everything you are doing is wrong. I’m surprised you don’t know that by now.”

Dr. Marriage confirms his bad marriage advice by reflecting on a past conversation that he had with his wife. “Dr. Marriage remembers the moment all too clearly. He was lying in bed next to [his wife] when she said, I can’t believe you did that. To which Dr. Marriage – who was puzzled since he didn’t remember doing anything especially dumb that day – replied Did what? To which she replied, when you tried to use that rusty X-Acto blade to get that sliver out of Henry’s foot. Henry is [their] son. That wasn’t rust, it was dirt. It was rust [she said]. He could have gotten tetanus. Oh, c’mon, he’d have been fine [he said]. He’s a boy. Besides, it was eight years ago. Doesn’t the statute of limitations ever run out with you?”

The first problem with Dr. Marriage’s bad marriage advice is the perspective of his wife. For her to bring up an incident that happened eight years ago means that his wife harbors anger. There have been studies showing anger in the brain disrupts the growth of new neurons, essential to sending messages and communicating with the rest of the body.

Some known health problems associated with anger include:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Sleeplessness
  • High Blood Pressure
  • Risk of Coronary Disease
  • Skin problems like increased acne
  • Headaches or Migraines
  • Digestive irregularities

Ephesians 4:26 teaches us that we will become angry. However, as a response to the marriage advice we are not to disobey God by sinning and we are to let the anger go before it has a dramatic impact on our health.

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: (Ephesians 4:26)

Dr. Marriage provides additional bad marriage advice. He contemplates that he has “apologized for his stupidity.” According to this bad marriage advice, “it has saved a lot of squabbling. So much so, that lately Dr. Marriage has been experimenting with a similar, pre-emptive version of this philosophy. What he does, every morning before getting out of bed, is roll over to [his wife] and whisper I’m sorry for every dumb thing I’m about to do or say today. Usually [his wife] just elbows him in the sternum. But he thinks it’s eventually going to work. Or not.”

His bad marriage advice is to get up in the morning and lie to his wife. Lying can only lead to distrust and eventually destroy the marriage. Distrust can spread through a marriage like a wildfire. What starts as a small ember of doubt can mushroom into a full blaze of distrust. The best way to prevent distrust from taking root is to proactively focus on building trust through teambuilding. Husbands can focus on cooperation and interdependence in the marriage. In addition, instead of following this bad marriage advice, a husband should have discussions related to enhancing right and moral behaviors in a marriage.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

 All Three     Advanced     Husband Leadership Book     high-res-png

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

 

How can the 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge enhance marriages?

The 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge as a method that husbands can use to enhance the love in their marriage. According to Loretta Livingstone, “Love must face reality, if it is to survive.” The reality is that the 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge provides the husband an opportunity to become the leader in transitioning his marriage into something that is more meaningful to him and his wife.

The 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge was developed from the Luveuphoria Phenomenon. The Luveuphoria Phenomenon is consistent with Newton’s Law of Cooling. Newton’s Law of Cooling states that the rate of change of the temperature of an object is proportional to the difference between its own temperature and the ambient temperature (i.e. the temperature of its surroundings). The Luveuphoria Phenomenon states that the rate of affection in a marriage is proportional to the number of non-sexual intimacy encounters and the number of days that a person is in the presence of their spouse.

The Luveuphoria Phenomenon uses the Luveuphoria Formula. The Luveuphoria Formula is as follows:

LF = [(Log10 (ns/nd)) · 10] – 1

ns = number of non-sexual touches

nd = number of days

The Luveuphoria Phenomenon has a scale and a chart.

Luveuphoria Scale rev 1

 

Luveuphoria Chart

Luveuphoria Numerical Scale
LF Range
0 Freezing
1 – 2 Cold
3 – 5 Warm
6 – 7 Hot
8 – 10 Extremely Hot
11 + Explosive

 

How will the 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge help marriages?

An increase in non-sexual intimacy is paramount for a healthy marriage because it has a powerful impact on the emotions. The skin contains receptors that directly elicit emotional responses, through stimulation of erogenous zones or nerve endings. The emotional impact of non-sexual intimacy is ingrained in our bodies.

Tactile corpuscles (or Meissner’s corpuscles) are responsible for the light touches associated with non-sexual intimacy. They are located on various areas of the skin, but concentrated in areas especially sensitive to light touch, such as the fingers and lips. They are specifically located in the glabrous skin just beneath the epidermis within the dermal papillae.

Another factor that contributes to the benefits of non-sexual intimacy is oxytocin. Non-sexual intimacy can induce oxytocin release. Oxytocin is a hormone that reduces stress related responses and is an important ingredient for any successful marriage. Oxytocin is produced mainly in the hypothalamus, where it is either released into the blood via the pituitary gland, or to other parts of the brain and spinal cord, where it binds to oxytocin receptors to influence behavior and physiology.

The oxytocin receptor, also known as OXTR, is a protein which functions as receptor for the hormone and neurotransmitter oxytocin. In humans, the oxytocin receptor is encoded by the OXTR gene which has been localized to human chromosome 3p25. Oxytocin receptors are present in the central nervous system. These receptors modulate a variety of behaviors, including stress and anxiety, social memory and recognition, sexual and aggressive behaviors, bonding (affiliation) and maternal behavior.

Studies have found that couples who engaged in non-sexual contact such as touching each other’s neck, shoulders, and hands, had more oxytocin in their saliva than couples who did not engage in this type of non-sexual intimacy. Oxytocin reduces the challenges that people experience from everyday stressors, such as family turmoil or conflict at work. In essence, non-sexual intimacy provides the positive energy necessary for a healthy marriage.

How does the 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge work?

1)      For ten days the husband will use the Luveuphoria Formula to pre-plan the non-sexual contacts with his wife. The goal is to stay within the extremely hot range. The husband can choose to use the convenience of our Luveuphoria Formula App which is available on the Apple Store or on the Google Play Store.  He can also use the Luveuphoria Kit.

2)      Each day the husband will post a brief Facebook video about their experience. They will include the following has tag – #10DayLuveuphoria – so that other husbands can benefit from their testimonial. The husband will also nominate two other husbands to take on the challenge.   

For your video testimonial here are a few tips. An effective testimonial is audible   and brief. The four essential parts to an effective testimonial include: (1) the beginning, (2) a sequence of events, (3) a Climax, and (4) a conclusion. In order to effectively organize your testimonial please consider the following. For the beginning include what your marriage was like before the 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge. For the sequence of events please include some of the non-sexual contacts that you used. For the climax include some of the responses that your wife had. For the conclusion include the positive impact that the 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge had on your marriage.

The 10 Day Luveuphoria Challenge will help the husband to become the leader in transitioning his marriage to ensure eternal love between him and his wife.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

 Husband Leadership Book          Advanced          All Three

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila 

 

 

 

How can couples use disagreements to enhance the happiness in a marriage?

In a recent article, a marriage counselor provides advice designed to produce happiness in a marriage. A truly happy marriage is attainable with the appropriate leadership principles. Husbands and wives can play a primary role in ensuring happiness in their marriage by utilizing a leadership reflective process designed to limit the impact of disagreements.

According to the article, Marriage-Improvement Tips for Young Couples, arguments between the young husband and wife can impede the progress in a marriage, leaving the couple with feelings of confusion and helplessness. The author, Bob Strauss, believes that couples should refrain from attacking one another and instead provided details regarding their expectations.

Strauss utilizes the following example. Jane and William have recently celebrated their first anniversary. This is normally a happy time for a couple. However, for Jane and William, this milestone was filled with resentment and unhappiness. Jane was very angry because she believed William was relatively dismissive regarding the occasion. Her feelings were hurt. Jane expected an anniversary card, flowers and an expensive dinner at a special restaurant. William, completely unaware of these expectations, took her to dinner at a modest bistro and gave her a card that, in Jane’s opinion, was ordinary and unmemorable. Consequently, she was furious.

Jane attacked William for their differences in expectations. According to Strauss, “rather than attacking him, Jane should express how she feels and offer him an opportunity to make a more thoughtful response. William expresses regret and suggests that she should have been more explicit about her expectations. He explains that anniversaries in his family were not a big deal. This couple needed to learn how to defuse the situation, rather than escalate an argument.”

Strauss has made an error on several fronts. First, couples must understand that they come to the marriage with different expectations. When these expectations clash their is going to be a disagreement. It impossible to be in a marriage and not expect disagreements. What is more important is how each person in the marriage handles their anger regarding the disagreement. Strauss has also failed to expose that the characteristics associated with their disagreement is associated with a dysfunctional organization.

A dysfunctional organization begins with each individual use of defense mechanisms for coping. Defense mechanisms are the unwritten rules an individual learns and utilizes to effectively deal with circumstances that are upsetting, embarrassing, or threatening.

In this case Jane learned that celebrating an anniversary involved an anniversary card, flowers, and an expensive dinner. William learned that anniversaries were no big deal and responded to their first anniversary by taking Jane to a modest bistro and providing her with, in her opinion, an “ordinary and unmemorable card”. So both Jane and William learned that in order to ensure that there was no embarrassment at anniversary time different values. As they watched their parents operate it became the skilled incompetence stage for both of them.

Skilled incompetence, which is the outcome of the defense mechanisms we have internalized. When the defensive behaviors we’ve learned are transformed into a learned behavior, that behavior becomes a skill – albeit an incompetent skill – that we consider necessary in order to deal with issues that are embarrassing, threatening, or upsetting. A skill that is learned from the regular application of a defense mechanism has a high degree of incompetence embedded within it, because we are unaware of how this skill will impact our future.

Skilled incompetence transforms into a defensive routine. Defensive routines are the third level. When the skilled incompetence is automatically exhibited at all times, the behavior is now a defensive routine. This became the skill that both Jane and William decided to exhibit in regards to celebrating wedding anniversaries.

Defensive routines lead to fancy footwork. Fancy footwork happens when individuals try to deny the behavioral inconsistencies they exhibit, or else they place blame on other people, which results in distancing themselves from taking responsibility for their behavioral inconsistencies. Jane attacked William instead of realizing that both of them were correct with the way that they thought was appropriate for celebrating wedding anniversaries.

Fancy footwork leads to organizational malaise. During this phase the individuals in the organization will seek to find fault within the organization rather than accept responsibility for their actions and correct their behavior accordingly. The individual continues the process by accentuating the negative and deemphasizing the positive in an effort to cover up their actions. The organizational malaise is further exacerbated by a refusal of one or all the members to discuss their area of responsibility.

Jane was so angry with William that William retreated into silence. This is the way that he always responded to Jane’s anger. Now both Jane and William had hurt feelings and anger that resulted in disappointment and emotional isolation.

William attempted to explain to Jane that he was regretful and recommended that she become more direct with her expectations. The suggestion is problematic because it is after the fact and he has shifted the blame on Jane instead of evaluating how he contributed to the problem by celebrating anniversaries different from his wife.

What tool can husbands and wives use to increase the happiness in a marriage?

After the disagreement, William and Jane should have retrieved a blank piece of paper and reclined to a private place in the home and implemented the following steps:

1)      Draw a line down the middle of the paper

2)      On the left column, write down the conversation that he has with his wife Jane.

3)      On the right side, write down what he was thinking for each statement that was made by him and his wife.

4)      Reflect on his thinking and determine the point where he had a opportunity to ensure that the conversation remained positive.

Husbands can use this reflective process to ensure that they enhance happiness in their marriage.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

 All Three          Advanced       

 

– Husband Leadership Principles

 

Husband Leadership Book

 

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 Derrick and Sheila

 

How to have a lifelong marriage?

In a recent article, several couples who have provide advice on how they have managed to have a lifelong marriage. It is not a lack of love that derails a marriage, it is a lack of commitment. A lifelong marriage requires a commitment to the original design of marriage.

According to the article, Two long-married couples give advice on creating lifelong love, both couples necessitate the need for commitment, communication, teamwork, and stewardship are the primary ingredients for a lifelong marriage. Ted and Betty Sue Forrester made major contributions to the article. Betty Sue believes that marriage needs to founded in Godly principles. According to Betty Sue, “I would say to a couple, let the Lord be number one in your marriage and love and respect each other totally.” Ted surmises, “No matter what you’re doing, live within your means. Have one checkbook. None of this, your money and my money stuff. Marriage is a team.”

Jerry and Lucile Adams made contributions to the article too. According to Jerry, marriage is a commitment. Lucile had a focus on the finances and relationship aspect of a marriage. Lucile believes that marriage is give and take. “You can’t always have your way. Sometimes you have to go with his ideas, and then he’ll go with mine.”

While both couples have provided great insight into sustaining a lifelong marriage, the real problem that many couples have faced is the how.

How can couples create and sustain a lifelong marriage? 

Couples can create and sustain a lifelong marriage by replicating the original design of marriage. The first two phases of the original design of marriage focus on the man. According to Genesis 2:15, God called Adam to be a servant and steward over the Garden of Eden. This foundation is where most marriages fail. Husbands place an emphasis on working in the world rather than working for God.

I can’t number the countless times when I find the correlation between a troubled marriage and a husband who refuses to serve God.

Another troubling correlation in a troubled marriage is the husband’s lack of stewardship. Stewardship defines a man’s relationship to God. It identifies God as owner and man as manager.

Stewardship defines our practical obedience in the administration of everything under our control. It is the consecration of one’s self and possessions to God’s service. Stewardship acknowledges in practice that we do not have the right of control over ourselves or our property—God has that control. It means as stewards of God we are managers of that which belongs to God, and we are under His constant authority as we administer His affairs. Faithful stewardship means that we fully acknowledge we are not our own but belong to Christ, the Lord, who gave Himself for us.

The second challenge that can avert a lifelong marriage is when the perspective husband does not follow God’s directions. Praise and worship is one area that many men have challenges.

Men have responsibilities to God that many men will not follow.

For a  man  indeed ought  not to  cover  his  head, forasmuch as he  is the  image and  glory of  God:  but the woman  is the  glory of the man (1 Corinthians 11:7).

In this passage the image of God is Jesus Christ. The glory of God in the Greek doxa. Doxa means to honor, praise, and worship which is a primary area that many men have challenges.

Honoring God has many benefits. For example, when we honor God with our money we can expect increase. When we give to the Lord, we demonstrate to him, to others, to our wives, and to ourselves that he is supreme in our lives.  When we give, we attest that he is our most valued treasure. Giving shows that our hearts are set on him and not on our money or belongings. Giving honors God as supreme. Giving to him is an act of worship. Since finances is a primary reason for divorce, we can increase the likelihood of a lifelong marriage by tithing and giving.

The final necessity for a lifelong marriage is a wife that would help their husband in the spiritual mission that God has appointed him to serve. God put the husband and wife to work together as a team. Much of this necessity becomes diverted because the premium is placed in other areas. Marriages either become the focus of wife or the children. This is an error and can contribute to pitfalls that avert the benefits of a lifelong marriage.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

Advanced          All Three          Husband Leadership Book

 

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila 

 

 

How should husbands apply the number one priority in their marriage?

In a recent article, a local author presupposes that husbands should implement their number one marriage priority through a socialization process that involves socialization unity. Unity is one of the most important aspects of a successful marriage. Husbands can make their number on priority in marriage by replicating the original design of marriage.

According to the article, Price: Making your marriage your No.1 priority, the practical applications of sustaining a romantic relationship include:

  • Dinner dates, important decision-making conversations, trips together, and sex sessions
  • Schedule one relationship enhancement event a year which includes a marriage retreat, a few sessions of couples’ counseling or at the very least a romantic getaway

The problem with the author’s advice is that is does not adhere in its entirety to the original design of marriage. According to the second phase of the original design of marriage a husband is to follow God’s directions. We can find one of those directions in Ephesians 5:25.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (Ephesians 5:25).

The type of love referred to in this scripture is agape. Unlike our English word love, agape is not used in the New Testament to refer to romantic or sexual love. Nor does it refer to close friendship or brotherly love, for which the Greek word philia is used.

Agape love is a little different. It is not a feeling. The essence of agape love is goodwill, benevolence, and willful delight in the object of love. Agape love involves faithfulness, commitment, and an act of the will. It is distinguished from the other types of love by its lofty moral nature and strong character.

In the New Testament it takes on a distinct meaning. Agape is used to describe the love that is of and from God, whose very nature is love itself: “God is love” (1 John 4:8). God does not merely love; He is love itself. Everything God does flows from His love. Agape is also used to describe our love for God (Luke 10:27), a servant’s faithful respect to his master (Matthew 6:24), and a man’s attachment to things (John 3:19).

As mentioned in Ephesians 5:25, agape love is mentioned in how a husband should interact with his wife. God would not leave this as an instruction if it were not possible for the husband to provide this agape love. We also find this type of love in Ephesians 5:28.

How can a husband implement agape love in his marriage?

Agape love is to love in a social or moral sense. Implementing the social perspective means to form cooperative and interdependent relationships with others. The husband must form a cooperative and interdependent relationships with his wife. Implementing the moral perspective involves conforming to standards of what is right or just behavior.

Agape love in a marriage involves forming cooperative, interdependent, and right behavior with your spouse.

One example of a cooperative relationships is between a wolf and a raven. Ravens will guide the wolf to prey and the raven will eat the leftovers. Without this cooperation with each other it is difficult for either to survive. Which should be the same for the husband and wife. Cooperation requires teamwork which is consistent with the third phase of the original design of marriage. Teamwork is the action of working or acting together for a common purpose or benefit.

An interdependent relationship is a close personal relationship between a husband and wife, where one or both provides some type of support, and care of the other. Several examples of an interdependent relationships include:

  • Bees depend on flowers for nectar and flowers depend on bees for cross pollination
  • The relationship between a manager and his employees
  • Our muscles need oxygen to work, the circulatory and respiratory systems need muscles to get oxygen.

The final application that a husband must implement to ensure a happy marriage is right behavior. The husband is to assume leadership in the home (1 Corinthians 11:3. This leadership should not be dictatorial, condescending, or patronizing to the wife, but should be in accordance with the example of Christ leading the church. Husbands can accomplish the number one priority in their marriage by adhering to the original design of marriage.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three     Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

How can husbands make their marriage work?

According to a recent article, making a marriage work involves implementing strategies that are exclusive of the original design for marriage. Husbands are the primary cornerstone for a happy relationship between a man and a woman. Husbands can make their marriage work by placing a premium on the original design for marriage.

 

According to the article, for those who are married, the reality that relationships are hard can be tough to navigate as well. Just as not everyone chooses to get married, there are those who choose to commit to a life-long relationship, despite the difficulties that will inevitably come.

Making marriage satisfying, especially when one is committed to making it work, can often be a frustrating struggle. But it doesn’t always have to be that way, or at least not as daunting as some make it out to be. Just as Bolick seeks to ease the burden of women in the single life, there are those who think making marriage work can be easier than many believe.

The American Conservative’s Eve Tushnet, for example, believes marriage should be a joint effort not only between spouses, but among friends.

“No marriage is an island,” she wrote last week. “Two people can’t always lift a marriage on their own shoulders,” which is why friends and family can be such an important part of any couple’s journey.

Constantly re-evaluating one’s perspective is another important part of making a marriage work. In an article for Psychology Today, Kate Fridkis cited the common problem of simply having unrealistic expectations as a real threat to happy marriages.

“The problem is that we have this mold in the shape of a fairytale, and we’re all trying to cram our sloppy, oozy lives into it, but there’s always some spilling out the sides, getting everything sticky,” she wrote. “We have this image of happily ever stuck in our heads,” and too often it just gets in the way.

If people want their marriages to weather the natural storms that come with any committed relationship, overcoming those obstacles are an important starting point. It may not always be easy, but according to Fridkis the outcome is rewarding.

 

Men can make their marriage by adhering to the original design for marriage which includes the husband as a servant to god, a good steward over the resources that God provides, and following god’s instructions.

 

The Servant Husband

According to Genesis 2:15, God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to be a servant. The Bible has a great deal to say about servanthood because the central theme of the Bible is the Servant of all—Jesus Christ. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). When we give Jesus Christ His rightful place as Lord of our lives, His lordship will be expressed in the way we serve others (Mark 9:35; 1 Peter 4:10; John 15:12-13).

 

A Servant is:

 

  • Thankful (Romans 1:8)
  • Prayerful (Romans 1:9)
  • Submitted (Romans 1:10)
  • Giving (Roans 1:11)
  • Humble (Romans 1:12)

The Good Steward

A steward is one who has been given the responsibility to manage or care for someone or something. He’s not the owner. The steward is simply the caretaker. He’s the manager of property belonging to another. As a result, the steward is accountable to the actual owner.

The Bible says that God is the owner of everything and that he gives humanity a stewardship to care for and manage his gifts. Our lives are to be comprehensively God-Centered. God owns everything. We do not. Everything is ultimately for God, not us.

Walking in Obedience

According to Genesis 2: 16-17, God told Adam what he could and could not do. Following God’s instructions requires obedience.

The Bible has much to say about obedience. In fact, obedience is the essence of the Christian faith. Jesus Himself was “obedient unto death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8). For Christians, the act of taking up our cross and following Him (Matthew 16:24) means obedience. The Bible makes it clear that we show our love for Jesus by obeying Him in all things: “If you love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15). Obedience is defined as “dutifully complying with the commands, orders, or instructions of one in authority.” Using this definition, we see the elements of biblical obedience. “Dutifully” means it is our obligation to obey God, just as Jesus fulfilled His duty to the Father by dying on the cross for our sin. “Commands, orders or instructions” speaks to the Scriptures in which God has clearly outlined His commandments and His will. “One in authority” is God Himself, whose authority is total and unequivocal. For the Christian, obedience means complying with everything God has commanded because it is our duty to do so. Having said that, it is important to understand that it is the spirit of obedience, not the act of obedience, that is important. The Pharisees relentlessly pursued acts of obedience to the law and by doing so became self-righteous, believing that they deserved to go to heaven by what they had done. Heaven, to them, was a reward owed to them for their good deeds, but the Bible tells us that, to God, all our righteous works are as “filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6). The obedience that was lacking in the Pharisees was brought to light by Jesus, who exposed their heart attitude. Their hypocrisy in obeying the “letter of the law,” but not the spirit of it, characterized their lives, and Jesus rebuked them sharply for it: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which indeed appear beautiful outside, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness. Even so you also appear righteous to men outwardly, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and iniquity” (Matthew 23:27-28).

If we love God, we will obey Him, not always and not perfectly, but our desire is to obey Him and our lives give evidence of that desire. When we love God and obey Him, we naturally have love for one another. Obedience is commanded by God, not only because it glorifies Him when we obey, but because it is the best for us. Obedience brings joy, comfort and peace in a world where such things are hard to find, mainly due to disobedience and rejection of God and His Word.

Husbands who desire to make their marriage work will willfully follow God’s original design for marriage by becoming as servant, a good steward, and obeying God.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three        Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 

Derrick and Sheila

 

What is a major key to a successful marriage?

In a recent article, an author attempts to provide tips for a successful marriage. The marriage tips are absent the necessity of moral character that both the man and the woman need to bring to the marriage. The key to a successful marriage involves a commitment to the original design for marriage.

According to the article, the ten principles for a successful marriage include:

  1. Happiness is not the most important thing.
  2. Couples discover the value in just showing up.
  3. If you do what you always do, you will get same result.
  4. Your attitude does matter.
  5. Change your mind, change your marriage.
  6. The grass is greenest where you water it.
  7. You can change your marriage by changing yourself.
  8. Love is a verb, not just a feeling.
  9. Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears.
  10. A crisis doesn’t mean the marriage is over.

The first problem in many marriages is commitment. Most people who eventually get married have little understanding what it takes to be committed to God. How can a man and woman expect to be committed to one another without knowing how to be committed to God.

What type of commitment to God will develop the necessary characteristics for a successful marriage?

According to Matthew 22:37-38, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment”. Jesus instructs us that our commitment to God should be at the top of our list for daily living. Every part of our lives must be focused on God.

Additionally Jesus tells us that our commitment to Him must supersede our commitment to our families. We know this because Jesus stated that “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after Me cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26-27). Those who cannot make that kind of commitment cannot be His disciple.

According to Acts 6:1-4, “And in those days, when the number of the disciples was multiplied, there arose a murmuring of the Grecians against the Hebrews, because their widows were neglected in the daily ministration. Then the twelve called the multitude of the disciples unto them, and said, It is not reason that we should leave the word of God, and serve tables. Wherefore, brethren, look ye out among you seven men of honest report, full of the Holy Ghost and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business. But we will give ourselves continually to prayer, and to the ministry of the word”, a disciple is a servant and is actively engaged in helping others in practical ways.

According to the original design of marriage, men are called to be servants of God. For men to have a successful marriage, they must have a commitment to serve God. However, many men opt to place a premium of money instead of serving God.

No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon (Matthew 6:24).

Since God’s word is true, there is no way that a man can expect to have a successful marriage unless they choose to serve God first.

According to Genesis 2:18, women are called to help their husbands. The irony is that me are taught to be team players more that men are. We see this evident in the number of opportunities that are offered to boys to play sports. Girls do not have the same opportunities. It is almost a though we are training the men to take on the man’s role by the way that we develop children. A women cannot expect to have a successful marriage unless she learns how to be a team player.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three     Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 

Derrick and Sheila