What makes a good wife?

For centuries the definition of a good wife continues to transform. In biblical and in modern times the evolution of the role of a women has a defining impact on this definition. In order to establish what makes a good wife we must evaluate the primary role before the evolution of the wife.

We find the first mention of a good wife in Genesis 2:18. According to the Holy bible, Eve was the first woman created for the man – Adam.

And the LORD God said: ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him (Genesis 2:18).

It meant that Adam was elevated to the team leader and Eve was elevated to be his primary team player.

What are the characteristics of a team player that would make a good wife?

Before we provide the definition of a team player we must entertain the thought of a team. A team is a group organized to work together for a common goal or project. A team player is a person who does his/her best to do his part in cooperation with the other members of the team. A team player does not seek to be a one-person show, but works together with his/her teammates and relies on their skills and abilities as he/she seeks to use his/her abilities and gifts in a cooperative way.

Other team player characteristics include:

  1. Humility – Godly humility is a wife who is comfortable with who she is and will therefore put her husband first. A wife cannot exhibit humility without exhibiting submissiveness.
  2. Submission – A wife’s submission to her husband is in response to her love and devotion to the Lord first. She submits to the Lord out of a humble and grateful heart, not because she is a slave, but a servant. Likewise, biblical submission in marriage is servanthood, not enslavement. A godly wife is motivated to submit to her husband, not out of fear, self-interest, or self-protection, but out of love ( 1 Peter 3:6 ).
  3. Prayerfulness – Results from a deep concern for God and the beliefs associated with Christianity.
  4. Dependability – Involves constant reliability and trustworthiness. Trustworthiness includes: (a) A spiritual commitment to God’s way of life, successfully resisting human nature and temptation. (b) Taking financial responsibility to live within one’s means, avoiding unnecessary debt, managing necessary debt and working together to decide the family’s financial issues. (c) A personal commitment to what is best for his or her spouse. (Your spouse makes you feel safe and secure. He or she accomplishes this through countless gestures, large and small, conveying respect, kindness and gentleness. This will help the husband to continue in his commitments and build trust between him and his wife.
  5. Holiness – A separation from the world and a consecration to God with a focus on ethical and moral values found in the Holy Scriptures. Jesus Christ is our perfect example of holiness. As God He is the Word of God but as a man He relied on the Word of God in every situation. His reliance on the Word of God made Him to have the mind of God. Through His reliance on the Word of God He loved what God loved and hated what God hated. Jesus lived a holy life according to the will of God because He valued and nurtured a relationship with God through His life of prayer. Jesus Christ was so intimate with God that He depended on His Spirit to lead and guide Him. He did not do anything apart from the Holy Spirit that was given to Him “without measure” (John 3:34). Holiness, as the word implies, is the work of the Holy Spirit. It means to be like minded with God and set apart for His service.
  6. Integrity – Biblical integrity is not just doing the right thing; it includes having the right heart and allowing the person you are on the inside to match the person you are on the outside. It also requires an individual to be consistent with their integrity behaviors.

Following these characteristics are that the a good wife works with her husband for a common goal. She will do her best to cooperate with her husband with the skills that God has given her. She will not seek to circumvent her husbands calling and decide to do her own thing rather than working in a cooperative way with her husband.

Herein lies the problem for most marriages. Many wives have not had an opportunity to benefit from the development involved in teamwork. Young male youth’s are indoctrinated into the teamwork concept through participation in sports. And only recently have young females had the opportunities to become groomed into the team building process. It still remains that their participation in sports is limited. Husbands must take an active role in developing their wives to become better team players.

The husband must begin with determining his God given purpose. If at all possible, the perspective husband should make this determination before selecting a wife. The husband can determine his God given purpose by evaluating his Spiritual Gift(s) and making a connection to his past experiences for the direction of his calling. After the husband has determined his God given purpose, it is a mistake to attempt to force this vision upon their wife. The husband must insist that the wife use the same process to determine her God ordained purpose. After this, make comparisons of the two separate visions and develop steps for including the wife in your God ordained vision. The road will become tough at times, but through faith, God will deliver the both of you into the purpose that He has ordained for your marriage.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

 – Husband Leadership Principles

               

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 

 

 

 

How can wives save their marriage?

A recent article provides a wife advice that could devastate their marriage and lead to a divorce. Divorce should not be an option when infidelity is not involved. Wives  can save their marriage by taking their rightful place as outlined in the original design of marriage.

According to the article, Advice for the Modern Man: Can I Still Save My Marriage, the wife has several complaints regarding her marriage. This wife complains that she initialized several efforts to save her marriage. She has had several conversations with her husband in which he agrees to help save their marriage. She has even attempted to withdraw from the wedding, but her then fiancé told her that things would get better. She also stated that her husband is neither physically nor emotionally abusive.

The article author believes that the husband is negligent and the wife should use her existence in the marriage as a tool to enhance her husband’s behavior. “The time for generalities and hollow threats is over. It’s about action now. And if, for whatever reason, he still won’t get off the sectional, you have to be willing to walk away”, says the author.

The advice provided by this author is treacherous on several fronts. First, since the husband has not committed any acts associated with infidelity, she has no grounds to leave her husband. The Holy Scriptures are very clear in the area of infidelity (Matthew 5:32 &1 Corinthians 7:10 – 7:11)

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery (Matthew 5:32).

And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife  (1 Corinthians 7:10 – 7:11).

Secondly, the author should address the husband’s behavior for embracing the sectional. The husband either does not work and the sectional has become a place of comfort. Or he works very hard and uses the sectional as a device of refuge. In either case, this husband has missed the purpose of his marriage which is outlined in the original design of marriage.

Instead on complaining and exhibiting self-centered behaviors, the wife needs to exhibit behaviors associated with her role in the original design of marriage. The wife can find her original role in Genesis 2:18. In this verse, she is to help the husband with his God ordained purpose. But according to the article, she wants to be the center of the marriage. She not only wants to place herself above the needs of her husband, but she wants to place herself above God.

There are several women in the bible who decided to put themselves above their husband which resulted in devastation for the wife. One example is Queen Vashti.

In the Book of Esther, Queen Vashti is the wife of King Ahasuerus. While her husband was holding a banquet for his princes, nobles and servants, Vashti was holding a separate banquet for the women. On the seventh day of the banquet, the king ordered his seven chamberlains to summon Vashti to come before him and his guests wearing only her royal crown, in order to display her beauty. Queen Vashti refused to come, and the king became angry. He asked his advisers how the queen should be punished for her disobedience. His adviser Memucan told him that Vashti has wronged not only the king, but also all of the husbands of Persia, whose wives may be encouraged by Vashti’s act of disobedience. Memucan encouraged King Ahasuerus to dismiss Queen Vashti and find another queen. King Ahasuerus took Memucan’s advice, and sent letters to all of the provinces that men should dominate in their households. Ahasuerus subsequently chooses Esther as his queen to replaced former Queen Vashti.

Instead of taking advice that can result in a divorce, wives can take their rightful place in their marriage by becoming the intimate team player. This is their position according to the original design of marriage. In this way, they will work together as a team and therefore avoid the atrocities associated with divorce by positioning their marriage to prosper.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

 All Three     Advanced     Husband Leadership Book     high-res-png     luveuphoria-app-for-facebook-png

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 Derrick and Sheila

 

How to have a lifelong marriage?

In a recent article, several couples who have provide advice on how they have managed to have a lifelong marriage. It is not a lack of love that derails a marriage, it is a lack of commitment. A lifelong marriage requires a commitment to the original design of marriage.

According to the article, Two long-married couples give advice on creating lifelong love, both couples necessitate the need for commitment, communication, teamwork, and stewardship are the primary ingredients for a lifelong marriage. Ted and Betty Sue Forrester made major contributions to the article. Betty Sue believes that marriage needs to founded in Godly principles. According to Betty Sue, “I would say to a couple, let the Lord be number one in your marriage and love and respect each other totally.” Ted surmises, “No matter what you’re doing, live within your means. Have one checkbook. None of this, your money and my money stuff. Marriage is a team.”

Jerry and Lucile Adams made contributions to the article too. According to Jerry, marriage is a commitment. Lucile had a focus on the finances and relationship aspect of a marriage. Lucile believes that marriage is give and take. “You can’t always have your way. Sometimes you have to go with his ideas, and then he’ll go with mine.”

While both couples have provided great insight into sustaining a lifelong marriage, the real problem that many couples have faced is the how.

How can couples create and sustain a lifelong marriage? 

Couples can create and sustain a lifelong marriage by replicating the original design of marriage. The first two phases of the original design of marriage focus on the man. According to Genesis 2:15, God called Adam to be a servant and steward over the Garden of Eden. This foundation is where most marriages fail. Husbands place an emphasis on working in the world rather than working for God.

I can’t number the countless times when I find the correlation between a troubled marriage and a husband who refuses to serve God.

Another troubling correlation in a troubled marriage is the husband’s lack of stewardship. Stewardship defines a man’s relationship to God. It identifies God as owner and man as manager.

Stewardship defines our practical obedience in the administration of everything under our control. It is the consecration of one’s self and possessions to God’s service. Stewardship acknowledges in practice that we do not have the right of control over ourselves or our property—God has that control. It means as stewards of God we are managers of that which belongs to God, and we are under His constant authority as we administer His affairs. Faithful stewardship means that we fully acknowledge we are not our own but belong to Christ, the Lord, who gave Himself for us.

The second challenge that can avert a lifelong marriage is when the perspective husband does not follow God’s directions. Praise and worship is one area that many men have challenges.

Men have responsibilities to God that many men will not follow.

For a  man  indeed ought  not to  cover  his  head, forasmuch as he  is the  image and  glory of  God:  but the woman  is the  glory of the man (1 Corinthians 11:7).

In this passage the image of God is Jesus Christ. The glory of God in the Greek doxa. Doxa means to honor, praise, and worship which is a primary area that many men have challenges.

Honoring God has many benefits. For example, when we honor God with our money we can expect increase. When we give to the Lord, we demonstrate to him, to others, to our wives, and to ourselves that he is supreme in our lives.  When we give, we attest that he is our most valued treasure. Giving shows that our hearts are set on him and not on our money or belongings. Giving honors God as supreme. Giving to him is an act of worship. Since finances is a primary reason for divorce, we can increase the likelihood of a lifelong marriage by tithing and giving.

The final necessity for a lifelong marriage is a wife that would help their husband in the spiritual mission that God has appointed him to serve. God put the husband and wife to work together as a team. Much of this necessity becomes diverted because the premium is placed in other areas. Marriages either become the focus of wife or the children. This is an error and can contribute to pitfalls that avert the benefits of a lifelong marriage.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

– Husband Leadership Principles

Advanced          All Three          Husband Leadership Book

 

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila 

 

 

How should husbands apply the number one priority in their marriage?

In a recent article, a local author presupposes that husbands should implement their number one marriage priority through a socialization process that involves socialization unity. Unity is one of the most important aspects of a successful marriage. Husbands can make their number on priority in marriage by replicating the original design of marriage.

According to the article, Price: Making your marriage your No.1 priority, the practical applications of sustaining a romantic relationship include:

  • Dinner dates, important decision-making conversations, trips together, and sex sessions
  • Schedule one relationship enhancement event a year which includes a marriage retreat, a few sessions of couples’ counseling or at the very least a romantic getaway

The problem with the author’s advice is that is does not adhere in its entirety to the original design of marriage. According to the second phase of the original design of marriage a husband is to follow God’s directions. We can find one of those directions in Ephesians 5:25.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (Ephesians 5:25).

The type of love referred to in this scripture is agape. Unlike our English word love, agape is not used in the New Testament to refer to romantic or sexual love. Nor does it refer to close friendship or brotherly love, for which the Greek word philia is used.

Agape love is a little different. It is not a feeling. The essence of agape love is goodwill, benevolence, and willful delight in the object of love. Agape love involves faithfulness, commitment, and an act of the will. It is distinguished from the other types of love by its lofty moral nature and strong character.

In the New Testament it takes on a distinct meaning. Agape is used to describe the love that is of and from God, whose very nature is love itself: “God is love” (1 John 4:8). God does not merely love; He is love itself. Everything God does flows from His love. Agape is also used to describe our love for God (Luke 10:27), a servant’s faithful respect to his master (Matthew 6:24), and a man’s attachment to things (John 3:19).

As mentioned in Ephesians 5:25, agape love is mentioned in how a husband should interact with his wife. God would not leave this as an instruction if it were not possible for the husband to provide this agape love. We also find this type of love in Ephesians 5:28.

How can a husband implement agape love in his marriage?

Agape love is to love in a social or moral sense. Implementing the social perspective means to form cooperative and interdependent relationships with others. The husband must form a cooperative and interdependent relationships with his wife. Implementing the moral perspective involves conforming to standards of what is right or just behavior.

Agape love in a marriage involves forming cooperative, interdependent, and right behavior with your spouse.

One example of a cooperative relationships is between a wolf and a raven. Ravens will guide the wolf to prey and the raven will eat the leftovers. Without this cooperation with each other it is difficult for either to survive. Which should be the same for the husband and wife. Cooperation requires teamwork which is consistent with the third phase of the original design of marriage. Teamwork is the action of working or acting together for a common purpose or benefit.

An interdependent relationship is a close personal relationship between a husband and wife, where one or both provides some type of support, and care of the other. Several examples of an interdependent relationships include:

  • Bees depend on flowers for nectar and flowers depend on bees for cross pollination
  • The relationship between a manager and his employees
  • Our muscles need oxygen to work, the circulatory and respiratory systems need muscles to get oxygen.

The final application that a husband must implement to ensure a happy marriage is right behavior. The husband is to assume leadership in the home (1 Corinthians 11:3. This leadership should not be dictatorial, condescending, or patronizing to the wife, but should be in accordance with the example of Christ leading the church. Husbands can accomplish the number one priority in their marriage by adhering to the original design of marriage.

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three     Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

How should husbands handle a smart wife?

In a recent article, a study revealed that men are less likely to formulate a relationship with a perspective smart wife. This study could have ramifications for the future of husbands. Husbands who have a smart wife can make their marriage more productive by adhering to the original design for marriage (Ordermige).

According to the article, Why men are threatened by smart women, men become threatened by woman as a result of violating male tendencies associated with male masculinity. The study involved 105 male participants. The participants read a hypothetical scenario regarding a woman who either outperformed or underperformed them. The men gave favorable responses to women who were regarded as a smart woman when compared to the man.

However, when the man was positioned to meet the smart woman, the tables turned. The men revealed a desire to distance them from meeting the smart woman, rated the same woman as less attractive, and indicated a desire not to exchange information with the woman or go on a date with the woman. The men exhibited characteristics associated with a dysfunctional organization. For husbands to have success with a smart wife they must understand the roles of the husband and wife in a marriage.

What are the husband and smart wife roles in a marriage?

The role of the husband and wife differ according to the source. According to one source, the wife’s duties are limited to submission to her husband and household duties. Specifically, the wife is the manager of the home with the husband as the overseer of her duties and her life. The wife is responsible for the daily care of children, meal preparation, and keeping the house clean and in manageable order. The wife can take on additional responsibilities such as getting a job.

According to the same source, the primary role of the husband is to provide oversight to his wife and children. He provides oversight in the areas of Bible studies and prayers. The second primary role in the family is to be the breadwinner who provides the financial support for the family. Herein lays the problem with a husband who has a smart wife.

Most smart wives make a sizable salary when compared to their husband and other wives. While the bible points out that the husband is the leader of the family, the husband could feel that his leadership is diminished and challenged due to the role that finances can play in a marriage.

What role do finances play in a marriage that consists of a smart wife?

In America, finances can play a major role in a marriage. According to the 2010 American Community Survey, for 24% of couples the wife earns more money than the husband. While the marriage rate decreases for women who earn more money than men, it is also reported that women who earn more money than their husband are less happy in the marriage. According to a survey of 4,000 married couples, researchers found that the percentage of people who reported being “very happy” declined when the wife earns more money than the husband. While close to 50 percent of wives and husbands reported being very happily married, both spouses are 6 percentage points less likely to report a “very happy” marriage when the wife earns more. They’re 8 percentage points more likely to report marital troubles in the past year and 6 percentage points more likely to have discussed separating in the past year. It also appears to affect divorce rates, as they write that having a wife who earns more than her husband “increases the likelihood of divorce by 50 percent.”

Even though the breadwinner wife is the unhappiest, this can also result in unhappiness for both the husband and the marriage. The husband will need to use alternative strategies to ensure a happy marriage.

What strategy should the husband use to ensure a great marriage with a smart wife?

Husbands need only to replicate the original design for marriage (Ordermige) to ensure happiness for both the wife and husband. The husband needs to ensure that he is a servant and good steward over the resources that God provides (Genesis 2:15). If the husband is a servant then he is following his original purpose as ordained by God. If he is a good steward over the resources, then his smart wife is more likely to trust him with the finances.

The next step is for him to follow God’s instructions. Another way for the husband to ensure financial stability is to follow God’s instructions in the area of tithing. According to Malachi 3:10-11, “Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the Lord of hosts.”

The final step is for the husband to ensure that the wife becomes a team player in the area that God has called him to serve. This will add security for the smart wife who is the breadwinner.

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In Christ,

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell

PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three          Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila