What makes a good wife?

For centuries the definition of a good wife continues to transform. In biblical and in modern times the evolution of the role of a women has a defining impact on this definition. In order to establish what makes a good wife we must evaluate the primary role before the evolution of the wife.

We find the first mention of a good wife in Genesis 2:18. According to the Holy bible, Eve was the first woman created for the man – Adam.

And the LORD God said: ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him (Genesis 2:18).

It meant that Adam was elevated to the team leader and Eve was elevated to be his primary team player.

What are the characteristics of a team player that would make a good wife?

Before we provide the definition of a team player we must entertain the thought of a team. A team is a group organized to work together for a common goal or project. A team player is a person who does his/her best to do his part in cooperation with the other members of the team. A team player does not seek to be a one-person show, but works together with his/her teammates and relies on their skills and abilities as he/she seeks to use his/her abilities and gifts in a cooperative way.

Other team player characteristics include:

  1. Humility – Godly humility is a wife who is comfortable with who she is and will therefore put her husband first. A wife cannot exhibit humility without exhibiting submissiveness.
  2. Submission – A wife’s submission to her husband is in response to her love and devotion to the Lord first. She submits to the Lord out of a humble and grateful heart, not because she is a slave, but a servant. Likewise, biblical submission in marriage is servanthood, not enslavement. A godly wife is motivated to submit to her husband, not out of fear, self-interest, or self-protection, but out of love ( 1 Peter 3:6 ).
  3. Prayerfulness – Results from a deep concern for God and the beliefs associated with Christianity.
  4. Dependability – Involves constant reliability and trustworthiness. Trustworthiness includes: (a) A spiritual commitment to God’s way of life, successfully resisting human nature and temptation. (b) Taking financial responsibility to live within one’s means, avoiding unnecessary debt, managing necessary debt and working together to decide the family’s financial issues. (c) A personal commitment to what is best for his or her spouse. (Your spouse makes you feel safe and secure. He or she accomplishes this through countless gestures, large and small, conveying respect, kindness and gentleness. This will help the husband to continue in his commitments and build trust between him and his wife.
  5. Holiness – A separation from the world and a consecration to God with a focus on ethical and moral values found in the Holy Scriptures. Jesus Christ is our perfect example of holiness. As God He is the Word of God but as a man He relied on the Word of God in every situation. His reliance on the Word of God made Him to have the mind of God. Through His reliance on the Word of God He loved what God loved and hated what God hated. Jesus lived a holy life according to the will of God because He valued and nurtured a relationship with God through His life of prayer. Jesus Christ was so intimate with God that He depended on His Spirit to lead and guide Him. He did not do anything apart from the Holy Spirit that was given to Him “without measure” (John 3:34). Holiness, as the word implies, is the work of the Holy Spirit. It means to be like minded with God and set apart for His service.
  6. Integrity – Biblical integrity is not just doing the right thing; it includes having the right heart and allowing the person you are on the inside to match the person you are on the outside. It also requires an individual to be consistent with their integrity behaviors.

Following these characteristics are that the a good wife works with her husband for a common goal. She will do her best to cooperate with her husband with the skills that God has given her. She will not seek to circumvent her husbands calling and decide to do her own thing rather than working in a cooperative way with her husband.

Herein lies the problem for most marriages. Many wives have not had an opportunity to benefit from the development involved in teamwork. Young male youth’s are indoctrinated into the teamwork concept through participation in sports. And only recently have young females had the opportunities to become groomed into the team building process. It still remains that their participation in sports is limited. Husbands must take an active role in developing their wives to become better team players.

The husband must begin with determining his God given purpose. If at all possible, the perspective husband should make this determination before selecting a wife. The husband can determine his God given purpose by evaluating his Spiritual Gift(s) and making a connection to his past experiences for the direction of his calling. After the husband has determined his God given purpose, it is a mistake to attempt to force this vision upon their wife. The husband must insist that the wife use the same process to determine her God ordained purpose. After this, make comparisons of the two separate visions and develop steps for including the wife in your God ordained vision. The road will become tough at times, but through faith, God will deliver the both of you into the purpose that He has ordained for your marriage.

Related Articles

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012

(856) 566-3267
www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land

-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)

– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

 – Husband Leadership Principles

               

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ

“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

 

 

 

 

When should a spouse withhold sex?

In a recent article, associate writer Bukky Sanni, writes about the dangers of withholding sex from your spouse. There exists scientific reasons for the necessity of sex for both men and woman. The bible provides on one case in which a spouse is allowed to withhold sex.

According to the article, when a husband or wife withholds sex it affects the husband more than the wife. When a wife withholds sex from her husband, the husband does not have the chemical stimulants that provides a sense of well being. When men have sex and regular organisms it make them fell better due to a testosterone boost. This makes men feel desired by their wife.

On the other hand, since women lead with their feelings and not their anatomy, if the husband withholds sex it does not have as a devastating impact on the wife. Men can increase desirability by expressing compliments which is accomplished by understanding the wife’s inner life, wishes, desires, and intentions.

The article only speaks to the outcome for the husband or wife when the other spouse withholds sex.

When is the only time that a spouse can withhold sex from her husband?

According to 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (KJV), the only time that a husband or wife can withhold sex is during fasting and prayer.

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency (1 Corinthians 7:2-5 KJV).

What is the fasting and prayer that can result in a spouse withholding sex?

Fasting

Fasting is anything given up temporarily in order to focus all our attention on God (1 Corinthians 7:1-5). The primary reason for a biblical fast is not to lose weight, but rather to gain closer fellowship with God. Fasting requires humility and joy. According to Matthew 6:16-18, “Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face; That thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.”

Prayer

Prayer is having a conversation with God. Prayer can be accomplished either orally or mentally.

The major types of prayers in the Bible include:

  1. Faith – According to James 5:15, “And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up.”
  2. Corporate – After Jesus’ ascension to heaven, the disciples “all joined together constantly in prayer” (Acts 1:14).
  3. Supplication – According to Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
  4. Thanksgiving – According to Philippians 4:5, “With thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
  5. Worship – The prayer of thanksgiving focuses on what God has done. For example, church leaders in Antioch prayed with fasting: “While they were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, ‘Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them.’ Then after fasting and praying they laid their hands on them and sent them off” (Acts 13:2-3).
  6. Consecration – There are times when prayer is a time of setting ourselves apart to follow God’s will. Jesus made a prayer of consecration the night before His crucifixion: “And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, ‘My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will’” (Matthew 26:39).
  7. Intercession – There are times when our prayers include requests for others as we intercede for them. 1 Timothy 2:1 provides an example of intercessory prayer, Jesus serves as our example in this area. “I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men;” Furthermore, John 17 is a prayer of Jesus on behalf of His disciples and all believers.
  8. Imprecation – Imprecatory prayers are found in the Psalms 7,55, & 69. They are used to invoke God’s judgment on the wicked and thereby avenge the righteous. The psalmists use this type of appeal to emphasize the holiness of God and the surety of His judgment. Jesus teaches us to pray for blessing on our enemies, not cursing (Matthew 5:44-48).

According to the bible, the only reason that a spouse can withhold sex is for fasting and prayer.

 

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In Christ,

 

Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three     Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

Derrick and Sheila

What marriage tips will help a wife to stay connected to their husband?

In a recent article, an author proposes ten marriage tips that will enable the wife to stay connected to their husband. Many of these suggestions can help any marriage. The ultimate marriage tips for a wife who desires to stay connected to their husband includes continuing as an ultimate team player as God has designed you.

According to the article, the 10 marriage tips include:

  1. Establish your marriage as the primary relationship in your family
  2. Control your family’s schedule, rather than letting it control you
  3. Make time to talk every day
  4. Go to bed at the same time, every night if possible but at least several times a week
  5. Make love regularly
  6. Set one evening a week as “parents’ night.”
  7. Plan at least one face-to-face activity (which many women prefer) and one side-by-side activity (which many men prefer) every week
  8. Do some everyday tasks or errands together
  9. Exercise together
  10. Plan regular dates

What scriptures will provide the marriage tips that wives can use to stay connected to their husbands?

The Law of First Mention

The law of first mention may be said to be the principle that requires one to go to that portion of the Scriptures where a doctrine is mentioned for the first time and to study the first occurrence of the same in order to get the fundamental inherent meaning of that doctrine. When we thus see the first appearance, which is usually in the simplest form, we can then examine the doctrine in other portions of the Word that were given later. We shall see that the fundamental concept in the first occurrence remains dominant as a rule, and colors all later additions to that doctrine. In view of this fact, it becomes imperative that we understand the law of first mention.

The first of all marriage tips that God provides for wives who desire to stay connected to their husbands is found in Genesis 2: 18.

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Genesis 2:18).

That main marriage tip for wives who desire to stay connect to their husband is to be their helpmate.

A helpmate is a team player. Priscilla is a good example for a wife who was a great team player in the bible.

Priscilla

As Priscilla is always paired with her husband, Aquila, in the bible. They labored together in the service of the church. They walked as one for they had mutually agreed to put Christ first. Priscilla and Aquilla are never mentioned apart.

With Nabal and Abigail we have a sad illustration of husband and wife who had nothing in common, who were diametrically opposed to each other in character, and in whom sordidness and sublimity were associated. But with Aquila and Priscilla it was so different, for like Zacharias and Elisabeth they, too, were “both righteous” and like them, manifested a union, idyllic in its full-orbed loveliness and charm. Because the Bible is everybody’s Book, it is the married people’s Book revealing how the Aquilas and Priscillas can live happily together.

This Christian couple were one in their experience of God’s saving power, and so became one in their holy zeal for the Saviour, and in their service for His church. They were partners in faithful endeavors, not only to present Christ by lip, but also in the excellency of their walk and conversation.

What romance, love and blending of personalities are associated with such an ordinary phrase as “Aquila … with his wife Priscilla.” How interesting it would be to know where and how they met, fell in love with each other and married! As nothing is said about any children that through the years came to grace their lovely home, we can take it that Priscilla was childless. From the record we have of Aquila and Priscilla their story is a beautiful idyll of home life. Together from the time of their marriage they are always named together, and were inseparable. What a pleasant picture of wedded love they present! To these two, wedlock was a divine ordinance and indissoluble union, and one which halved their sorrows and doubled their joys. They were not unequally yoked together but joined in the Lord.

In the truest sense, Aquila and Priscilla were “no more twain but one flesh,” and all that they covenanted to accomplish together from the hour of their marriage vows was realized as the result of the perfect unity of the spiritual, nature of purpose, and of aim. As twin stars, Aquila and Priscilla were “bright with borrowed rays divine.” They moved in one orbit and were united in all their labors as well as in their love. With Nabal and Abigail we have a sad illustration of husband and wife who had nothing in common, who were diametrically opposed to each other in character, and in whom sordidness and sublimity were associated. But with Aquila and Priscilla it was so different, for like Zacharias and Elisabeth they, too, were “both righteous” and like them, manifested a union, idyllic in its full-orbed loveliness and charm. Because the Bible is everybody’s Book, it is the married people’s Book revealing how the Aquilas and Priscillas can live happily together.

The book of Luke informs us that “by their occupation they were tentmakers” (Acts 18:3). This must have added to Paul’s delight in living with Aquila and Priscilla for he was of the same craft, and at times supported himself in this way (Acts 20:34; 1 Thessalonians 2:9; 2 Thessalonians 3:8). When not preaching and teaching we can imagine Paul, Aquila and Priscilla sitting together in Aquila’s shop as they plied their needles and fashioned or repaired tents. Aquila and Priscilla shared the duties of their workshop. They were not ashamed of manual toil. Proud of their craft, we can believe that the product of their joint labors was known for its excellent quality.

One of the most impressive aspects of the spiritual influence of Priscilla and Aquila was the way in which these two simple souls with a deep knowledge of Christian truth were used to open the eyes of a great Alexandrian divine to the reality of the Gospel. The eloquent and fervent Apollos with all his brilliance and power suffered a sorry limitation as a preacher. He knew only “the baptism of John” (Acts 18:25, 26). He knew nothing of salvation through the cross and the accompaniments of salvation. The larger truths of the Gospel of Redemption were as yet unknown to him. Priscilla and Aquila followed the crowds who went to hear this most popular and persuasive preacher.

As they listened, Priscilla and her husband detected the negative defects of the preaching of Apollos. He taught no positive error, denied no essential of the faith. What he preached was true as far as it went. Apollos knew the truth, but not all the truth, and so in the quiet way, with all humility, Priscilla and Aquila set about correcting the apparent deficiency of Apollos. Inviting him to their home they passed no word of criticism on what they had heard him preach but with consummate tact instructed him Biblically in the truth of the crucified, risen and glorified Saviour. “They expounded unto him the way of God more carefully” (asv).

What was the result of that Bible course which Apollos received from those two godly, Spirit-enlightened believers? Why, Apollos became so mighty in the Gospel that he was called an apostle. In fact, he became so effective as a true gospel preacher that some of the Corinthians put him before Peter and Paul. But all that Apollos became he owed, under God, to the quiet instruction of Priscilla and Aquila. In Apollos, Christ gained a preacher whose spiritual influence was second only to Paul himself. Says Alexander Whyte in his chapter dealing with Aquila, Priscilla and Apollos.

The most important of all marriage tips for a wife who desires to stay connected to her husband is to be the ultimate team player.

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Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All Three      Advanced

 

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA

DSC_5453-(ZF-4806-92502-1-002)

Can couples plan a successful marriage by utilizing marriage counseling services?

In a recent article, the Arkansas Relationship Center recommends planning a successful marriage by utilizing marriage counseling services. Many marriages reach points that can cause divorce. Couples can utilize strategic planning instead of marriage counseling services to ensure a successful marriage.

Men are very hesitant when it comes to marriage counseling services. According to how to Save Your Marriage, some women complain that their husbands do not like to go to marriage counseling.  It is not that they do not want to solve the problem. But they do not want to go to counselor who is a stranger and open up all the private affairs in the married life.  Their ego is hurt when somebody tries to tell that there is something wrong with the marriage. Also, if you are a well known person in the society it will be embarrassing if somebody see you going into a marriage counselor’s office.

Lighted Pathways points out that some beliefs that guys have about marriage counseling services include:

Men reject marriage counseling services because of the way that men are designed. According to Genesis 2:15, men are designed to be servants for God and a steward over the resources that God gives the man.

And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it (Genesis 2:15).

We know that men are servants and stewards because these are the original duties for Adam. Dressing and keeping the Garden of Eden was Adams original purpose. The word ‘dress’ in the Hebrew is ‘abad, which means to work as a servant. The word ‘keep’ in the Hebrew is shamar, which means to protect. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to work as a servant in the garden and to protect the garden. Protecting the garden required that Adam become the steward of the garden.

Servanthood is the state, condition, or quality of one who lives as a servant. Further, a servant is first of all one who is under submission to another. For Christians, this means submission to God first, and then submission to one another. Then, as one in submission, a servant is one who seeks to meet the real needs of others or of the person he is serving. To put it another way, servanthood is the condition or state of being a servant to others, of ministry to others rather than the service of self. It means willingly giving of oneself to minister for and to others and to do whatever it takes to accomplish what is best for another.

Several leaders in the bible served by solving problems. Noah solved the problem of wickedness in the world. Joseph solved the problem of the future famine in his family. Moses solved the problem of slavery for the Israelites. David solved the problem of a giant who sought to utterly destroy the entire Israelite people. Daniel solved the problem of jealous government leaders. Jesus solved the problem of a world going to hell.

When there is a request from the wife to attend marriage counseling services, it is actually an insult. What the wife is saying is that the husband does not have the talent to solve the problems in the marriage.

For husbands who desire to solve their marriage problems begin with developing a family shared vision based on what you and your wife value and not what some therapist or counselor will provide from a global perspective. End with developing a strategic plan.

Your strategic plan should include three goals that you and your wife agree on in the following areas:

  • Spiritual
  • Social
  • Family
  • Employment/Work
  • Recreation/Fun
  • Educational
  • Physical
  • Financial

Once the husband and wife have their family strategic plan developed from their family shared vision, they will realize that there is no need for marriage counseling services.

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Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com

 

Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles

All ThreeAdvanced

“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.

 

Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell

Samaritan Baptist Church

Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.

 

Dr. James E. Woods, II

El Shaddia Christian Assembly

Philadelphia, PA